#take note of the fact that i’m really close w this person and not everyone is gonna take prompts like this well

[ali3nboyfriend]

obviously “therapy talk” can be really annoying and patronizing when used incorrectly but i’m ngl there’s something very satisfying about hitting my friend who has a tendency to verbally self-flagellate when they’re having a meltdown with “how can we express these feelings in a way that’s more constructive?” and watching those thought patterns unravel in real time as they have to sit there and actually think about what they’re feeling and why without being mean to themselves

[elliespeach]

play nice | ellie williams

˗ˏˋ"i'm not incompetent, despite what you may think." ´ˎ˗

pairing: ellie x afab reader synopsis: ellie and you hated one another more than anything and you had successfully avoided each other for nearly two years before being forced to patrol together. the day you two endured happened to be a lot more than just patrol and despite hating your guts, ellie is determined to keep you safe. warnings: lowkey mean!ellie, scary men, ellie n reader defend themselves w guns (animal death), lots of swearing, being chased, being stranded in remote location wordcount: 6k+ author note: guysssss i love the fuck out of this trope i hope i did it justice, got a bit carried away w the wordcount but i like it that way cus i dont think this will be a series!

the early morning of the jackson crowd woke you yet again, groggy and hungover you squirmed out of bed. you were supposed to be off today, taking the day to rest and recover from last night but maria had other plans for you. she had asked if you could pick up a patrol shift, a route no one likes taking, for a guy no one really likes anyway. you said yeah because you owe maria a favor, hating yourself for allowing your one day off to be tarnished. 

grumpy, you threw on your usual patrol outfit. a heavy jacket, a sweater underneath, jeans and a trusty pair of boots. the clock read only thirty minutes before you were to be posted and figured you would stop on the way to grab breakfast. 

you gave sleepy hellos to your neighbors as you passed. a lot of them shoveling their sidewalks from the snow that blanketed the earth the night before, they would be doing it all day and suddenly you were that upset about patrol duty. it beats shoveling snow. 

entering the restaurant the smell of bacon and eggs filled your nose, making your stomach lurch in your body. the hangover really settling in, you almost opted to not get food. but you saw maria at the end of the counter, leaning over and chatting with the line cook. 

“mornin’ maria,” you plastered on the best smile you could muster at the moment. “who am i with today? i didn’t check the schedule.” 

maria’s face faltered, “so that’s why you said yes,” you looked at her confused. “you can’t back out on me now.” 

“maria, what’re you talking about?” you questioned, but with the expression on her face, you came to a realization that your day was about to get a whole lot worse. “i’m not going if she is.” 

she sighed your name, “you girls were friendly once, you can’t play nice for one day?” 

“ellie can’t play nice.” you stated as a fact. and it was. 

ellie and you had a complicated history, arriving in jackson only a few days after she did, you two had become an inseparable pair. what wasn’t obvious to everyone else at the time was that you both had feelings for one another despite being young teenagers. 

one day, in her garage, ellie and you had been listening to music together while she drew in her sketchbook. you had been watching her the whole time, admiring how talented she was. at this point in time, you knew she liked you as much as you did her–or at least you thought you did. when you tried to kiss her that day, she freaked out on you and pushed you off her bed in a hurry. 

you had felt betrayed by the only person in jackson you truly trusted with anything. you never spoke of it again, in fact you never really spoke to her again about anything. you two became distant, avoiding each other at all costs because when you were in close proximity you’d fight like cats and dogs. you couldn’t hold in your snide remarks and neither could she, but when she spoke her mind it was always more cruel than you could ever imagine. 

you hated ellie williams and now you are expected to be on a full-day patrol with her. you couldn’t even begin to imagine the kind of day you were about to have, regretting any and all decisions that led to this moment. 

“so you play nice. i won’t ask you to work with her again after today, promise.” maria begged and you rolled your eyes accepting her offer. 

you said your goodbyes and maria handed you two sandwiches to go, hoping that a sandwich will fix the multiple years of hatred burning inside of ellie for you. knowing it wouldn’t work but not wanting to waste food, you obliged by taking the food and going on your way. 

your walk was slow to the stables, wanting to prolong the long day ahead of you. when you reached your destination you saw ellie at the end of the barn. she was patting her horse, shimmer, and readying her for the trip. “fuck,” you whispered to yourself before making your way over. 

as you approached her, ellie went stiff and turned her back. not you.

“maria got us these sandwiches,” you said plainly, holding out one of them to her. her eyes were dull, along with her expression and it made your blood boil. “well?” you asked, already impatient with her. 

“ate already.” ellie responded quickly before grabbing the reins on shimmer and leading her out of the barn.

you silently mouthed, “wow.” to yourself before packing the food in your backpack for later. taking your horse from his pen, you lead him in the same direction as ellie. you came upon the gate and mounted your horse before pulling beside ellie, stealing a quick look at her. 

ellie darted her eyes away from you quickly as she saw your head turn towards her, feeling a hatred burning in her chest and she thought she saw you roll your eyes in her peripheral vision. you’d never admit this, barely admitting it to yourself, but despite all the loathing you felt for her you still found yourself attracted to her all these years later. it sucks that she is a bitch, otherwise maybe you two would have been something. 

the usual spiel of being safe, record keeping and more was being announced but ellie’s voice carried its way over to you. “do you even know where we’re going?” 

you scoffed, “i’m not incompetent, despite what you may think.” 

she turned her head towards you, a fake smile splayed across her face. “i don’t think, i know.” 

“oh, fuck you, williams.” you spat at her, looking back towards the gate, not wanting to remember she’s right next to you. 

but she was, in all her rudeness. “don’t you wish,” she said casually in a mocking tone. you had to stop your mouth from dropping open at her comment. she knew exactly what she was saying to you, and it just confirmed that there is no fixing this relationship if she could make a comment that low. 

the alarms went off and the horses started to ride out of jackson. you followed suit, leading your horse out of the gate and turning right down the snow covered path. ellie followed behind you at a distance and you liked it that way. 

ellie was watching you from behind, steering your horse through the pathway. for some reason, she couldn’t pull her eyes off of you the entire trip to the first look-out. her mind plagued her with thoughts of you and she dared not to trespass into that territory again. coming up on the familiar look-out, she pushed the thoughts away and replaced them with the hurtful things you’ve said to her over the years which did little to comfort her either. 

“just wait, i’ll mark the book.” you said, dismounting your horse and heading into the small building. you had always figured it was a radio tower as a giant broken satellite was perched on the roof, slamming open the garage door you made your way inside. 

“i’ll come with, don’t need you fuckin’ up the book.” ellie remarked behind you and you rolled your eyes as she passed you, just having to be the first one to the log book and she was. she beat you to the pen and began writing that there was no infected in the area. 

as ellie finished writing, she searched around the room for you. you were standing by the window, eyes peeking into the binoculars overlooking the route you two were going to be taking. 

“lemme look,” she insisted, reaching up to snatch them from your hand. you pulled it away quickly, swatting her hand. 

“i’m fucking capable of looking through these things.” you nearly yelled. 

“you’re not even wearing your glasses, give it to me.” she growled beside you, again reaching for the binoculars as you held them away from her. 

“how kind of you to notice,” you said sarcastically, gently pushing her away from you. 

“you look better with them on, princess.” she hissed using the nickname she had given you years ago. it felt strange to hear it again, especially in such a negative way. ellie eventually gives up on taking the binoculars from you. you started to peer through them again, making out your path as she huffed beside you. she was acting bored, fake kicking the debris that littered the floor, leaning her back against the window staring into the room behind you. 

looking away from the view for a split second, catching her eyes you retorted, “you look better without them on, figured i’d at least try and have a good day.” a devilish smile washed over your face and ellie didn’t respond. you brought the binoculars back up to your eyes and they widened with fright. 

from your viewpoint you were able to see multiple men all on horseback and guns at their side, they weren’t jackson men as you would have recognized them immediately. they had blood stained clothes and looked like they haven’t showered in weeks. but the most disturbing thing you saw was a person, naked and shaking in the cold tied by their neck to one of the horses, being pulled along. this wasn’t a group to be stumbled upon by and they were right smack in the middle of your route about two miles from you both, getting closer to jackson with every step. “oh, fuck me..” you trailed off and ellie chuckled beside you. 

“like i said, you wis–” 

“ellie, look!” you hissed, shoving the binoculars in her hand but she wouldn’t take them. 

“no, apparently i can’t handle it or something!” she shoved them back in your hands. 

“ellie, would you just look while i radio the other patrols?” you basically begged and ellie heard the fear in your voice. knowing you would never let her see you this way, she sat up straight taking the binoculars from you. she watched as you ran to the table with the log book, getting your radio ready. 

she peered through them and saw what you did and ellie’s demeanor changed swiftly. she turned back to look at you, panicking because the radio wasn’t transmitting. “fuck, this stupid thing!” you yelled, banging it against your hands so hard you thought you might leave a bruise. 

ellie acted fast, throwing the log book into a damaged closet to leave no trace and picking up her backpack. “if we can’t get a signal here, we gotta move to where we can get one. the closest patrol is ten miles in the other direction, we can beat them there, they aren’t going fast.” 

she glanced at you, ready to move and you were frozen still trying to get the radio to work. she rounded on you and stopped yourself from breaking your own hand with the radio. “we have to move, okay? they won’t touch you, i promise.” 

her promise seemed sincere and in the moment you didn’t question it. you nodded your head and took a deep breath before she handed you her bag. you both sprinted to your horses, but not before ellie closed the garage with a loud thud. getting on horseback, ellie led the way, weaving in and out of trees staying off the path so as to not cause suspicion with the tracks in the snow. 

you followed suit, not letting her gain more than a few yards on you at a time. after about ten minutes of what seemed like endless trees you came upon an opening to a road. you didn’t recognize it, and as you came up beside ellie it looked like she didn’t either. you looked around desperately, fearing the men you had seen and what would happen to you both if they found you. 

“nothing on the radio?” she asked you, pulling her horse near you. 

“no, nothing.” you stated shakily, fiddling with the small radio. 

“shit,” she cursed aloud, but not loud enough for anyone else but you to hear. “c’mon, this way.” she led you down the road and as you came over a small hill a building came into the picture, a large building that looked like an old grocery store. 

as you were about to pull the radio from your back pocket, ellie and you both snapped your necks in the direction you had just come from. there was the distant sound of hooves, even in the snow and laughing that wasn’t the good kind. “they found our trail, in the building, now!” she snapped at you quietly and not seeing any other idea, you followed her. leading your horses into an empty window in the building and securing them in a locked office. 

the building was ransacked, absolutely nothing in sight but garbage and dead infected bodies. “if there is dead infected, this area must get patrolled,” ellie thought out loud, looking at the mangled bodies. 

“or they found it before we did,” you did the same, stepping over a dead infected woman. horses neighing outside brought you to a halt and ellie didn’t think twice about grabbing your wrist and dragging you out of view. shuffling past large empty boxes and even more dead infected there was a door labeled exit and ellie busted it open, shoving you inside before her. as she closed the door behind her, she heard glass breaking and men’s voices. 

you looked around in the small hallway, it was dark but you were able to see a small dim light peeking through a knocked over bookcase at the end. “ellie,” you whispered, pointing to the bookcase. quietly moving towards it, you started to lift up the bookcase revealing a large storage room with loading docks. placing the bookcase back down to block the entrance as quiet as you could. 

she nodded her head towards the loading doors, they were closed but not locked. you were about to lift them up for an escape when the exit door burst open and all that stood in between them and you two was the bookcase. you snapped your head in that direction and ellie grasped your arm, pulling you behind a large shipping crate. 

in good timing because as soon as you were secure the bookcase fell over with a loud bang that made you jump. you looked to ellie, who was trying to peek around the crate to catch a look. ellie saw three men stumble into the large room, guns and various other weapons on their belts. “come on out now!” one bellowed, causing you to grab ellie’s arm instinctively and she let you, not pulling it away in the slightest. 

ellie saw them looking around corners when one approached the loading doors, seeing it unlocked. “must’ve slipped out,” the brute snarled, fiddling with the door handle.”grab their horses, let’s go get their trail!” they triumphed, slowly leaving through the door they came in. the rest of their crew must be waiting out front, ellie knew this was your only chance. 

once the cost was clear ellie turned to you, “they’ll expect us to go through the back, let’s go back the way we came.” she whispered, taking her arm back. you nodded and followed her, she quickly moved past the bookcase and towards the door they had left wide open. seeing no one, and not hearing your horses she waved you on, exiting the grocery store through the broken window in which you had entered. 

coming back into the daylight their horse tracks went to the back of the building and you both took this opportunity to run into the trees on the opposite side of the deserted road. as you jumped into the snowy landscape, a horse neighed furiously. “hey! i see ‘em!” a grunty voice shouted and you and ellie took off running through the woods. you were following ellie, who was hoping this was the correct way back. but back where? where could she take you on foot they wouldn’t be able to catch up? the nearest patrol is miles out, but when you two didn’t show up for check in they would come looking. that could be hours before they find you, stumbling through the cold woods and ellie worried that you two wouldn’t make it through the night if you could get away from these guys. 

she pushed all of that away, focusing on the task at hand which was to get you away from them. you ran for a while, the woods came to life with sound, the horses behind you trying to bob and weave through the harsh trees, the heavy breathing of you and ellie crashing into the soft snow below you and the sinister sound of the men laughing as they narrowed down on you two. 

“keep running!” ellie shouted back to you as you passed her, she stopped reaching for her rifle and cocking it back. you didn’t listen, instead taking your pistol out at the same time. ellie was able to shoot down one of the men who had tried to flank them, his body tumbling down to the ground and his blood desecrating the pure white snow. 

focusing your vision as ellie reloaded her gun, you shot quickly. the bullet grazing one of the brutes in the cheek and he clutched his cheek as he barreled down on ellie–whose gun was jammed. you shot again, this time aiming for the horse’s legs and it went down before you could blink, hurdling the giant into a tree. he laid on the ground motionless as his buddies grew more angry, you grabbed ellie’s arm and she looked up to you with panicked eyes, slinging her forward in front of you she began running but not before checking that you were right behind her. 

hoping that the bodies of their friends would slow them down, you both sprinted away from the grizzly scene. ellie was in front of you, the tussle with them discombobulated her and she wasn’t sure what direction she was going in. everything was happening too fast for her to be able to stop and figure it out, and as she looked back to check on you and the proximity of her attackers she saw your eyes widen and as you screamed her name, she fell down an embankment. 

you didn’t think twice, knowing this would be a good barrier between you and your pursuers. ellie was already halfway down as you threw yourself down the steep hill, the trees spun around you and you couldn’t see anything. you could make out ellie as you tumbled, rolling uncontrollably and it seemed even faster than you were. it felt like years before you came to a stop at the bottom of the hill.

you groaned, lifting your head up and not seeing anyone following you. you put all your effort into sitting up and you clutched your side as you did. you cursed, your bag was missing, probably buried in snow somewhere and as you looked around you saw ellie. she was laying next to a tree, limp and moaning in pain. in a panic you tried to stand up but the pain in your side prevented you from moving even two steps so you crawled to her. “ellie!” you shouted, coming to her side. “ellie, are you okay?” you yelled again, shaking her lightly. looking back up the embankment, you didn’t see the men anymore and hoped they went to clean up their friends. 

as your eyes came back to ellie, she rolled over and in between big breaths she was able to get out, “hit.. the fuckin…tree.” she groaned, grasping at her limp arm. “fuck..my arm!” 

“c’mon, williams we gotta go,” you stated, looking around for her backpack since yours was nowhere in sight. you noticed it a few feet away and you used the tree to force yourself up, ellie saw you struggling and tried to get up on her own so you wouldn’t have to help her in your condition. taking her pack and slinging it on your shoulders you went back to her, she was leaning against the tree now, facing the embankment. 

you reached out your hand to her and you couldn’t read her face as she took it with her good arm, pulling herself up with a huff. your side screamed in pain as you trudged on, taking in short breaths even though you could barely breathe to begin with. ellie limped behind you, her limp arm at her side and every step she winced in pain. fully realizing you two were lost in the woods, you kept going in hopes of seeing jackson at some point. 

the men didn’t make any appearances and the further you walked the more you felt safe. the fresh snowfall that started was covering your tracks in the deep snow. walking in silence felt like the right thing to do, the adrenaline wearing off would mean bickering again and you liked the quiet sounds of the forest, and the occasional grunt from ellie behind you. the sun was nearly behind the mountains before ellie spotted a small hunting cabin to the left of your makeshift path. 

it was dainty, and probably only one room but as you both approached it, it was looking more and more inviting than the harshness of the cold you two had been enduring the last couple of hours. knocking on the door roughly and not hearing anything inside, you opened the wooden front door. it was small. the abandoned shelter was illuminated by the setting sun through the windows, you saw a fireplace that had more spider-webs than you’d ever seen. the “kitchen” immediately next to it consisted of a broken and ransacked fridge, a sink and only two cabinets. 

you smacked ellie’s pack down on the counter, and finally felt a smidge of peace. looking up and noticing there was no living room area in the single room, just a creaky wooden bed that ellie had sat down on still clutching her arm. you looked around and saw a wooden chair, smashed to pieces you shuffled over, taking as many as you could carry before tossing them into the empty fireplace. ellie watched as you did, wishing she could be more help but her arm was killing her and she worried it was more than just a break. 

she saw you wince as you bent down to pick up more wood and she had to look away, not being able to see you hurt for some reason. “we should splint your arm,” you suggested, tossing more wood into the fireplace but keeping a smaller, thicker stick in your hands. ellie just nodded and let you approach her and as you went to unzip her jacket she flinched back. “i can’t do it with your jacket on.” you snapped, your shitty mood pouring out onto her. 

she softened her face and unzipped her own jacket but needed your help taking it off completely. as you were slowly pulling it off her bad arm, she sighed deeply. her arm was revealed, having only worn a short sleeve under her jacket and you wondered how she wasn’t frozen solid by now. “jesus, els.” you breathed out as you looked upon her arm. it was black and blue all over, some spots were a bright yellow and you held back from gagging. the redness from being cold didn’t help make it look better either. 

“i’m fine,” she lied, not liking you taking care of her. “just make the fire first, would you?” 

not surprised with her attitude, you obliged because you were even still freezing. the sun was barely shining in the windows anymore and you knelt beside the wood and picked a few of the smaller pieces of wood. taking your knife, you whittled off sections, leaving them attached at the bottom to the main piece of wood to work as tinder. and as you worked, ellie watched. she admired your survival skills, remembering that this is what kept you alive before jackson. 

ellie and you knew more about each other than you’d ever admit. being as close as you two were for months, you often had long talks in her garage to distract yourselves from the mutual lingering feeling of longing for one another. but as she observed you working, she remained silent and you did too, feeling her eyes burning into your back. 

the fire bursted to life with flames and you backed away, feeding it more kindling from the broken chair. ellie felt the warmth from the bed and now that she wasn’t numb from being cold, her arm was feeling worse. she didn’t dare look down at it, you turned to see her struggling to find comfort. you took off your jacket, the cozy cabin becoming warmer with every second that passed. tearing at the bottom of your shirt got her attention, you ripped until you had a long enough strip to work with. 

taking the wooden piece that you are using as a splint you kneeled in front of her. “give me your arm,” you said, your hand hovering in front of her. she shuffled her body forward, inches from you and you gently stretched her arm out straight. her moans in pain were loud over the crackling fire, “i know, i know,” you comforted her and her groans stopped but were replaced with quick and short breaths. 

you aligned the wood with her arm, taking your ripped shirt fabric and started to wrap it around her arm. moans escaped her mouth, not being able to conceal how badly this hurt. “almost done…” you trailed as you tied a knot in the fabric to keep it in place. 

once you were finished, and ellie was about as bandaged up as she could be, you sat with your back against the bed. wincing as you did, your side still burning in pain that seemed to spread throughout your body. “lemme see,” ellie murmured, shifting off of the bed to sit next to you on the floor. you grumbled a small i’m fine like she had but she didn’t accept it. “let me see.” she said more sternly. 

you rolled your eyes, lifting up the side of your shirt where the pain is erupting from. she examined it, the bruising on your stomach was prominent and she grazed her fingers over your hot skin. you winced from her touch, her fingers cold on the burning black and blue. “told you, i’m fine.” you reinforced, pulling your shirt back down. 

“i promised you they wouldn’t touch you,” she whispered beside you, you heard the familiar aggression in her voice as it’s usually directed at you but this time it didn’t feel like it was. 

“they technically didn’t.” you recalled, staring into the fire. but ellie was gazing at you, her green eyes scanning the side of your blank face. 

“i should’ve seen the hill,” she shook her head, focusing her eyes on the fire like you were. “i told you they wouldn’t hurt you and now look. i swear to god if they ever show their face around jackson i’ll–” her voice turned sour and she stopped herself from revealing what she would do to them for causing you pain, and although you didn’t blame her for anything that happened today, you couldn’t help but feel angry with her and her sudden caring attitude. 

scoffing, you spoke, “i’ve been hurt worse than this.” ellie understood what you were implying and snapped her head back to you, hurt swimming in her eyes. 

“what is that supposed to mean?” she hissed back at you, her voice rising slightly. she knew exactly what it meant but couldn’t stop herself from getting defensive. 

you laughed in disbelief, “the way you’ve been treating me for years? does that not ring a fuckin’ bell?” your voice rising to meet hers. 

“you’ve been doing the same thing to me, so don’t act innocent.” her tone was sharp but calm and you hated her for her ability to keep her composure. 

“i never said i was innocent!” your blood boiling over, you looked at her, her eyes meeting yours before she darted them away. “if you hate me, hate me. don’t confuse me by acting like you fuckin’ care.” 

“i don’t fuckin’ care,” she spat, using her good arm to lift herself off of the ground. she did care. and it was obvious to you, but instead of arguing about it further you let her walk to the kitchen as she dug in her pack.

you remained silent in front of the fire and despite the pain you brought your knees to your chest for extra warmth, the cold disposition of your patrol partner sucking out any warmth the fire was giving to you. ellie tossed over a small ration pack of food harshly, and you reached to take it. not caring that she threw it at you because now that you were looking at it, you were starving. realizing you hadn’t eaten this morning like you intended to. 

ellie moved back near the fire, sitting in front of you but staring into the wall. it was quiet while you both ate, or better inhaled the food in front of you. “i was supposed to have the day off today,” you remarked, chuckling at the circumstances though not finding it entirely funny. “i shoulda just told maria to fuck off.” 

ellie turned to you looking confused. “wait, maria asked you to do this?” you nodded in response and she shook her head smirking, “she asked me last night if i could cover for–” 

“manny,” you both said at the same time. realizing maria had set you both up, and you both couldn’t help but not laugh about it. 

“she’s gonna feel so bad!” you laughed, and somehow it was the funniest thing in the world to the both of you in that moment. ellie was laughing harder than you had ever seen her and you realized how deeply you missed this side of her, and how long it had been since you did. was it shock? maybe, probably. but even ellie couldn’t help but enjoy the small moment after the day you two had. 

“she probably thinks we killed each other!” ellie added mid laughing, causing you two to remain that way for a little while longer. it really wasn’t funny, but in some fucked up way it was. after you both calmed down from the singular good moment you had had in years, ellie added, “i missed that.” 

“missed what?” you questioned, not wanting the moment to end. 

“your laugh,” she uttered, boring her green eyes into yours. “i know that’s not fair of me to say.” 

this was the ellie you remembered, before all the fighting she was always kind to you. she was thoughtful. and she cared about you more than anyone you met in jackson. she patiently waited for your response, trying to judge if you were still angry. “i think we’ve both said things to each other we shouldn’t have, els.”  she hid a smile at your response, forcing her eyes to the fire that illuminated the small room. after a small beat of comfortable silence, she turned back to you.

“i really am sorry,” she spoke again and you cut her off before she could continue. 

“it’s okay, really–” 

“no i mean– i shouldn’t have– we almost died today. you almost died and i just…” she trailed off, gathering her thoughts. “i wanted to kiss you that day too.” 

you looked at her perplexed, and as you opened your mouth to respond she talked again. “it’s complicated and i was just scared–” 

“scared of what, ellie?” you questioned her again. 

she lifted up her good arm, revealing her tattoo. bringing your eyes back to hers and she took note of your confusion. she shuffled over and sat beside you showing you her arm up close. “just look,” 

at first, all you noticed was the tattoo. the ink perfectly etched into her skin, but as you really looked at it you noticed small indents buried in an intricate part of the linework. you took her arm in your hands to examine it further. bite marks. they were old, but they were there beneath the tattoo, permanently altering her skin with a nasty scar. “what the fuck…” you whispered skeptically, tracing it over with your fingers. 

“i was fourteen, so don’t worry i think i would have been dead by now.” she joked, hoping to alleviate any negative feelings you had about this. she sat nervously next to you and if you weren’t holding her arm she feared she would be shaking. 

“what does this have to do with me?” you asked innocently, taking your eyes away from her arm but not letting go. 

“i thought if we had kissed that i’d infect you somehow,” she laughed thinking of the memory. “i really shoved you off the bed hard, huh?” 

“my ass was bruised for weeks, so yeah you did.” you laughed with her back and it felt like the last couple of years hadn’t happened. 

“awww, poor princess,” she mocked you playfully. it almost threw you off, being as she hasn’t been playful in forever but you rejoiced in it. 

“shut up!” you played back, throwing her arm out of your hands and back into her lap. ellie noticed how close you two were, closer than when you splinted her arm, and it made her feel safe. she brought her hand back up to your face slowly and you let her, she swept strands of hair behind your ear. “you’re not scared now, though?” you pressed on, catching onto her intentions. 

“oh, i’m terrified.” ellie spoke softly, inches from your face. she cupped your cheek in her hand and gazed at you lovingly, her eyes darting from your eyes to your lips. she felt her stomach doing flips as she leaned in to close the final stretch that separated you two, as she did, hard knocks pounding at the door pulled you apart from each other. 

the door opened, revealing a disheveled joel and tommy. “thank god!” joel exclaimed, entering the cabin. “we saw the smoke, you guys are five miles off the normal route. what the hell happened?”

they helped you both home and to see the medics and it was nearly a day later when you saw ellie again. you endured what felt like thousands of visits from friends and neighbors that wanted to wish you a good recovery, and they were sorry to hear what happened. you were put on bed rest for a few broken ribs and they all hurt severely anytime you moved. 

but when ellie came through your bedroom door, you shot up in bed ignoring the pain that was plaguing you. she filled you in on what’s been going on, rangers are out looking for the group of men that attacked you both and they think they have a good lead on the group. this comforted you, but not nearly as much as ellie’s presence. she had a fresh cast on her arm, and ellie pointed out that it was really itchy, making you laugh. 

“maria feels really bad,” she smirked, a small laugh escaping her lips. “but she’s gloating about her plan working.” 

“course she is,” you answered. she moved across your room and sat down on the side of your bed to face you, looking down to your hands and took them in hers. “we might have to put on a show for her, can’t have her head gettin’ too big.” 

“anything you wanna do princess,” she leaned down and kissed your forehead. “but first, rest.” 

you groaned, “i hate you.” 

“i hate you more, now c’mon lay down.” she gently pushed you back down into the bed and you scooted over leaving room for her. she snuggled up next to you as you laid your head on her chest, hearing her soothing heartbeat as she played with your hair and you both fell asleep peacefully. feeling nothing but safe with one another. 

[deansapplepie]

Till THE DEAD do us part | Chapter 4

A/N: This story will take place in all the seasons, but it’s not exactly a rewriting cause I’d have to re-watch everything to use the exactly lines of the characters, also I think it’s better if I tell a side story without changing the main facts of the story.

This story has a Female Reader, but I don’t describe her appearance, so anyone can identify with her.

Chapter 3 Chapter 5

Chapter 4: Pinky Promise

Summary: The group arrived at the CDC and were welcomed by Dr. Jenner, that asked just for blood samples so they could stay there. The group ate better than they have been eating in weeks and also drank a lot. Y/N and Daryl talk about the past while they share a bottle of whiskey and things get just a little bit out of control.

Warnings: swearing, little angsty, fluffy, alcohol consumption, sexual tension (?), a hot kiss 🥵, Minors do not interact. Nothing extremely sexual and detailed, but if disturbs you in any way it’s better not to read. Maybe some characters are ooc, idk 🤷🏼‍♀️

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Grimes!Reader (Rick’s Sister)

Word Count: 2,877

Extra notes: I proofread the text, but English is not my first language, so feel free to correct any mistakes, of course with love. I’m consulting a timeline of everything that happened, but it can happen that I put events out of order, but I don’t think it’ll make much difference in the story. ALSO, I’m very nervous about the path this chapter went so I’d be glad if you told me what you think.

As soon as the door opened everyone entered, but there was no one. Where were the person that opened the damn door? After some minutes a man appeared, gun on his hand and he just lowered when you proved you offered no danger. His condition to give you shelter, was to take blood samples of all of you to examine. A fair price for a scientist, how could you deny?

After you picked everything you needed from the cars, the man named Jenner, closed the metal doors and you followed him to get your blood samples taken. You were not over joyed to get your blood taken, because normally your veins were pretry dificult to be found and people would end up torturing you with a needle until they found your vein.

“You’ll probably find my vein here.” You said pointing to a place one inch from your elbow. Yeah, your vein was easy found in a very strange place. “My veins are difficult to find, that’s why I’m telling you.” ‘And because torture is not my kind of entertainment’, you thought.

“Don’t worry, I’ll only do it when I’m sure I found it.” He tried to make you calm. And he didn’t lied, he really waited till he found it and then he collected your blood without much trouble or pain.

He took everybody’s sample and then took you to the kitchen. A full supplied kitchen with good food, alcohol, water and all the appropriate devices to prepare anything.

“Glenn, did we die and I didn’t notice? Cause this looks a lot like heaven.” You commented with the young man.

“If we did, I didn’t notice it too.” He replied. God! You didn’t think you would miss so much having a kitchen with all the appliances you were used to.

You prepared the food together and the drinks were served. Everybody was so happy, having a good meal, drinking and chatting. There was a long time you didn’t feel such a light atmosphere. You all joked and smiled, maybe the alcohol was helping a little.

“Hmmm, never thought I’d taste such delicious wine again.” You commented next to your brother.

“Go easy on the alcohol sis.” Rick told you, as if he knew how to drink.

“Shut up Rick, you know I can handle alcohol better than you.” You said making him have a good laughter, in no way you were a better drinker than him. “Hey! Let a woman have her dreams.” Everyone joined Rick on his laughter, brightening the room with joy.

Very reluctantly Lori gave Carl permission to taste a little of wine, and he hated, so she was happy. Glenn was getting drunk for the first time and all of you were encouraging him, even Daryl, which was really funny to see him all lose and even smiling, genuinely and openly smiling. Alcohol was a dangerous thing, but it could also show you things you didn’t know about other people, good and bad. You sneaked some appetizers to Luna, which she gladly took.

When dinner was over Jenner showed you around, there was rooms where all of you could stay, and bathrooms with hot shower. Oh my God, you couldn’t even remember the last time you took a hot bath. You claimed one of the rooms and went directly to the bath.

You took your time in the bath, washed your hair, let the hot water fall against your back and relax your muscles. It was so good, it had been only two months and you already missed this little luxuries from the old world so bad. When you finished drying yourself, you brushed your hair and put some comfortable clothes, your sleeping shorts and a tank top. Then, you missed something important, where was Luna?

You left your room and passed looking on the rooms that had the door open. You saw Carol putting Sophia to sleep and you couldn’t help, but smile. They deserved happiness and you were glad they were safe here, as you were glad you family was here too.

“Carol, did you see Luna? I can’t find her.” You asked her from the door.

“No, I just came from the rec room with the kids and didn’t see her. Maybe she’s with Rick or Shane?” She suggested, you didn’t know. You didn’t want her messing around in an unknown place.

“Ok, thanks. Gonna continuing looking for her. Have a good night Sophia! And you too Carol, rest yourself.”

“Have a good night Y/N/N” they replied.

You continued looking in the rooms that you could see open, but she was nowhere. You saw the door of Daryl’s room half opened and decided to knock, maybe he saw her somewhere.

“Come in” you heard he say, and you were not expecting the scene. He all cleaned up, a bottle of whiskey in his hand, his back on the wall, sitting in the sofa and Luna all over him.

“Am I interrupting something?” You asked playfully, Luna looked at you and swinged her tail, but she didn’t move from where she was.

“Not my fault she likes me better.” He took the bottle to his mouth all cocky.

“Seriously, I’m already thinking about giving you her custody. It’s obvious she doesn’t love me anymore.” You dramatized sitting on the sofa right next to him.

As soon as you touched the couch, she came all your way with her cold nose, and she laid on both your laps. “I think she wants to say that she likes us both.” You stated.

“Want some?” He offered you the bottle of alcohol.

“Is this even a question? Just give me the bottle Dixon.” You take the bottle and take it to your lips, whiskey was not exactly your favorite drink, but having the alcohol in your system was too good. Just not having to worry about being sober and ready to fight at any moment.

You stayed a long time in silence, just passing the bottle around and sipping from the drink. Here it was, that comfortable silence that you used to share and right now you could do it without worrying much. You rested your head back on the wall and looked at his profile, he was handsome and also cute, you felt kind of lucky for being able to take a look at this pretty serious grumpy face everyday.

“What did ya do before all this?” He asked and sipped on the bottle.

“You mean before I became a professional Zombie killer?” You joked, a bitter taste in your mouth having to talk about your failed career. “I was a vet. What about you?”

He looked at Luna and nodded like it made a lot of sense since you had Luna, but in fact anyone could have an animal. “I’d go around with whatever shit Merle was up to. In few words, I was a nobody. I had nothing as cool as you had.”

“Don’t say this. You weren’t a nobody. In fact, when it all happened, I was unemployed. So if you were a nobody, I was just like you.” Your head still resting on the wall, your eyes still on his profile and you thought how could he think so low of himself.

“Ya weren’t nobody, princess.” He turned to look at you and you swear that your heart skipped a bit when you looked in his cute baby blue eyes. “Ya just didn’t have a job.”

“So didn’t you.” He didn’t understand why you’d try to cheer him up and tell him he was more than what he actually was. Since he could remember he knew everyone thought that the Dixon’s were no good. Nobody wanted to be around his brother or him, and it didn’t change at the quarry. And why should it change now? He’d always be what he was, but you seemed to look at him with a whole different look than anybody else and you never told he was no good or a piece of shit… you mostly had good things to tell him, even when he was a dick with you.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, D.?” You looked at him and you almost could see all the gears working in his mind. You still looked in his eyes, both of your heads resting in the wall.

“Ya think I’m better than I am.” He also looked in your eyes and tried to see anything that showed you were fucking with him, but he didn’t. You were like Rick, you had honest eyes and couldn’t hide your emotions at all even if you tried. And at the moment you didn’t have any bad emotion in your face.

You wanted to say that he thought too low of himself, that he was better than he thought. You could see it, but it was not like you were good with words, and in the last 24 hours you got him upset more times than you would like, even if he was the asshole in one of them. Maybe it was the alcohol speaking, but you couldn’t put yourself to look away from his face, and now your eyes wandered all over his face, from his handsome eyes, to his lips, the small freckles under his eyes and the cute mole above his lips… God! You really wanted to kiss him, and your intoxicated brain could not think straight, if you were sober you’d never have the courage you were feeling at this moment.

He was no different from you, not that he had never spent any time admiring your features, he had done it many times. Your beautiful eyes, your nose, your lips and even your jaw. God, if ever existed one, he had thought more than he would like to admit about running his mouth over your jaw, your lips… kiss, lick and even bite your neck. But before, you were never this close to him and he had never got this drunk with you or near you. He had not felt like this before, like if he didn’t touch someone or were close to someone… he wouldn’t be able to breath. He thought it was pathetic, well that was what Merle would say, because feelings was something only pussies did. The alcohol in his body talked stronger than Merle’s voice in his head, and all he could think was that your faces were a few inches from each other and that he could feel your warm whiskey breath and the smell of your clean hair, and when you crashed your lips against his, he wasn’t able to control anymore.

You pressed your lips against his and you didn’t expect he’d kiss you back, you expected him to push you away and tell you to fuck off. But once your lips were on his, he kissed you back. Your hand went to his face and caressed him, while his hand went to the back of your head pulling you closer and you couldn’t help but feel more invested into the kiss, your lips moving in sync, your tongue caressing his bottom lip and he couldn’t help but open his lips and let you deepen the kiss, take your way, do whatever you wanted to do… He was completely at your mercy and at this moment he wasn’t even ashamed of admiting it, at least for himself. It didn’t take much longer for you to part from the kiss, you needed to breath. You pulled apart slowly, forehead against forehead, heavy breaths and rosy moistured lips. You were so into the kiss that you didn’t even noticed that Luna had gone to the floor, your bodies were much too against each other and one of your legs were on top of his.

When the reality hit, of what had just happened, he pushed himself to the farthest side of the sofa from you. “We shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have done this.” He got up and were about to leave the room, but you were faster holding his hand.

“Daryl, you can’t leave your own room.” You said getting up and trying to look into his eyes as much as it was possible standing up, since your height difference. “If someone have to leave, it must be me.” He didn’t say anything, red cheeks and trying to piece everything that just happened together. “I iniciated it. The fault is on me. Did I kiss bad? Did you not like it?”

“No, it was good. It’s not…”He tried to find his words, but his thoughts overflowed his mind while his brain separated the things he could say and the things he couldn’t. “We’re friends, friends don’t do it.” He had never called you a friend out loud, but this was the perfect time to say it instead of saying how fucked he was and how he didn’t know how to do emotions, he didn’t believe in love or that he could be loved, and how you two getting involved like this would just fuck the whole group.

“Well… when friends get drunk shit happens sometimes. Never happened to me, but… there’s a first time for everything.” You over explained a little, because you were kind of nervous. “It’s all my fault, don’t blame yourself and don’t worry too much. There was a long time I didn’t had a good kiss and you were just too cute... I’m sorry.”

“I did it too, ya don’t need to be sorry.” He averted your gaze, shy, still concerned with everything going on his mind.

“This will not change things between us, right?” You asked and he didn’t answer, still avoiding your eyes. Shit. Shit. Shit. You had probably ruined one of the few good things you had in this shitty world. “Daryl, promise you’ll not avoid me and we’ll still be the same.”

“Ya won’t rest until I promise ya something today, aren’t ya? What is it with ya and promises?” Why were you always asking things from him? At the same time he wanted to tell you to fuck off, he wanted you to be close, at least close enough so he could keep an eye on you.

“I just don’t want things to get odd between us.” You raised your hand in between both of you, all fingers down and just your pinky up. He looked at your hand and could not believe that you were doing it. “Ok, now promise that we’ll still be friends.”

“What are ya? Five?” Who in your age made pinky promises? Why did you have to be so… vivid? “Fine. Let’s make the fucking pinky promise.”

He took your pinky in his and then you sealed it with your thumbs. “Happy?”

“Yes, now I can rest assured that we’re still friends.” You smiled and he rolled his eyes, but deep inside he felt a small warmth and oh, he was so afraid of this, because he had never felt anything like that before and he had no idea of what to do with it. “Have a good night Daryl, and thanks for the drink.”

“Luna, come on girl. Let’s go to sleep.” You called for the german shepherd, she got up from where she was laying, got a lick on Daryl’s hand and waited for him do caress her head, after it she followed behind you to your room.

You closed the door, put your back on it and slided to the floor. You could still feel his lips on yours, his hand at the back of your head, fingers tangled in your hair and the heat of his body. How could you ever have a normal life after this? It could sound dramatic, but there was so long you weren’t this close to a man… Years actually, you didn’t even get on dates after Paul and he never did you feel this good as just kissing and touching Daryl made you feel. Fuck. Shane was right, you definitely had a crush on him, maybe more than this. And you Y/N Grimes didn’t do ‘more than this’, not anymore. You didn’t even do ‘less than this’.

You got up and decided it was time to go to bed and try to sleep. Luna laid by your side and you snuggled to her. “What should I do Luna?”

“Woof!” She said and gave a lick to your face.

“I already did it Luna, and I don’t know if it was the correct thing to do. I didn’t even know if he liked it.” Anyone would think you were crazy, but talking to Luna from time to time kept your sanity in place. “I’m not you, you know?”

Final Note: Thanks for everyone reading, liking, reblogging and commenting, it’s really good to receive your feedback.

Taglist: @sunnybunnyy2

[lowtaperfeyd]

Hi there!! I’m so excited to see that you have Dune requests open! 😊

Could I make a request for Gurney x fem!reader? I was thinking something angsty with her being either an Atreides or a member of the bene gesserit who is close to Jessica, and she’s forced into marriage with another. (probably more angst for Gurney if it’s to Feyd or another Harkonnen) angst to fluff or just angst, up to you!

Many thanks If you accept this! 😊

Sinking Ship, Abandon Ship

Gurney Halleck x Atreides!reader

author's note: I really hope you enjoy this one, because writing it was incredibly fun and entertaining!

(not beta read, we die like feyd-rautha)

warnings: mentions of death, a lot of angst, duke leto being an awful brother, house harkonnen.

wc: 978

The romance between Gurney Halleck and the Duke’s sister, (Y/N), developed slowly over time. The two who have been around each for decades, since before politics really mattered.

“You wanted to see me brother?” Questioned (Y/N) as she walked into Leto’s office on Caladan. 

“Yes I did (Y/N), take a seat.” He said anxiously, like he didn’t know what to say or expect.

“Is there something going on? You made this seem quite serious. You’re even pacing now.” She said, worried about her older brother, “this isn’t going to affect us going to Arrakis, right?”

“This isn’t going to affect us going to Arrakis.” Leto said slowly.

“Well that's a good thing, isn’t it? We leave in a few weeks and stay there to collect spice and try to converse with the Fremen.” 

The Duke interrupted her, “(Y/N) it affects you going.”

“Well tell me what's going on!” The sister retorted to her brother, annoyed that he wasn’t telling her things. 

“In order for us to have a certain amount of ‘safety’ on Arrakis, I have decided it is best if you marry the Baron’s eldest nephew. In order for this to happen, you need to leave tomorrow.” 

“Oh.” she whispered as a pinching feeling settled deep into her chest. 

“Oh!” he said, upset, “That's all you're going to say!”

“I mean what else is there to say!” She said as the tears began to fall down her face, “I’m leaving my family! my home!” The person I love! She thought afterwards. 

“I had no choice (Y/N)! It was this or the fact that Harkonnens may try to kill us on Arrakis!” He shouted

“So you’re going to have me die at the hands of them!” She yelled back at him, “I’m just a sacrifice for you!” 

“You’re not a sacrifice!”

“You’re right!” she hysterically shouted back, “I’m a lamb to the slaughter! A sacrifice would have more honor!” 

“(Y/N) listen to me!” Leto shouted to her. But it was too late, she had turned her back and started walking away. 

“Fuck off, Leto!”

(Y/N) began to walk the expansive halls of Castle Caladan. Walking past the paintings of her ancestors who once ruled the same planet she is leaving. The ancestors who had their own problems when they were alive. But those problems were solved by means of negotiation, not marrying off their younger sister. She continued to aimlessly plod around with tears running down her face. But, any guards who passed her didn’t say anything to her. Instead they went straight to Gurney Halleck.  

After about half an hour of wandering, (Y/N) was leaning against the balcony railing; that gave a spectacular view of the setting sun and its light that reflected off the dazzling ocean waves. The tears in her eyes had subsided and were now replaced with untimed sniffles. She thought about the days that were easier. How she would frolic with her brother when they were younger, along the rolling hills. Her and Gurney’s late night walks when they couldn’t sleep from plagues infecting their dreams. The walks which ended with small, sweet kisses and long hugs goodbye, before they returned to their own quarters. 

“The guards told me you were crying.” Gurney deadpanned, “if I am correct you just had a meeting with the Duke, is everything alright?” 

He began walking to where (Y/N) was standing near the railing. 

“Everything is fine, for everyone else,” said with a sad chuckle, “but for us, it’s a boat that's sinking and we can’t repair the hole.” 

He placed a hand on her back, “Why, what’s going on?” he said, concerned. 

“The Duke is sending me off to marry a count.” (Y/N) muttered.

“Which count?” Gurney said, trying to figure out a way to mend the situation. Thinking that if it was one he knew, he could make a compromise. 

“Count Glossu Rabban, of House Harkonnen.”

Gurney’s vision turned red. He could not believe the duke, the man who knew that the Harkonnens do not like the Atreides, would marry off his sister to a husband who would be cruel. 

“Why!” He said, before calming down so as to not yell at her, “Why is he doing this?” 

“Something to do with the safety of everyone else on Arrakis, I’m a form of collateral.” 

“So he's shipping you off to Harkonnen bastards!” He asserted, “Men who would kill you if you stepped out of line.” 

“I didn’t have a choice, Gurney…” She disclosed as more tears started to roll down her cheeks.

“Well I have something to say, (Y/N), I’m not letting them take you away from me.” He said with venom in his voice. Before shifting to a softer tone, “I’m not letting them take anything else from me…” 

“There’s nothing you can do, my dear.” (Y/N) commented, finally realizing what was going to happen to her. 

“Then, when do you leave?” Gurney responded as he turned around.

“Tomorrow morning.”

“Then I still have a night with you, we still have a couple of hours.” Gurney proposed, “You’re not gone yet.”

“No, I’m not.”

The final hours Gurney and (Y/N) had very little talking. Moving into her bedroom to cry more and reminisce about what they had. How they had taken their freedom for granted. 

“Years ago, If you asked me to marry you, then we wouldn’t be here right.” (Y/N) whispered as she laid on her bed with her head on Gurney’s chest. 

“Years ago, if I knew you wanted to get married, I would’ve bought a ring.” Gurney added. 

That would be the last thing they said to each other before (Y/N) had to leave. Both of them too hurt by the Duke’s actions to say anything else. And a mutual feeling of betrayal by him too.

[k-daydreams]

Touch in the Dark: pt. i

Pairing: Rhysand x fem!Vanserra!reader

Based of this ask

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: abuse, angst, poorly proofread

Author’s note: I got really inspired w this one and got carried away per usual! This is going to be a mini fic at most a 3 part!!

⭒❃.✮ ⭒❃.✮ ⭒❃.✮ ⭒❃.✮ ⭒❃.✮ ⭒❃.✮ ⭒❃.✮ ⭒❃.✮ ⭒❃

The sensuous tremor of the music rumbled through the room. Another night for Amarantha to make a fool of someone, you thought as you arrived at her throne room with your brothers. You stood by Eris, a mask of a scowl on your face as you watched her court be merry—if that’s why you could call it. All dancing, grinding on one another, drinking the fae wine, and over indulging on food. To be so fortunate to think this prison was homely must have been an ignorant bliss you hadn’t had the privilege to think. You had hardly found the appetite to eat twice a day if it weren’t for your eldest brother and mother.

Years turned into decades, and the relentless tyranny of the red-headed woman felt like an eternity. As your brothers dispersed into the crowd, you remained with Eris. Due to Lucien’s escape from your father’s suffocating grasp, Eris became your closest ally.

“What’s your strategy for tonight?” Eris queried, both of you observing the crowd.

Nonchalantly adjusting your gown’s sleeves, you responded, “Check on mother, evade father and our brothers, and hope Amarantha doesn’t summon me.”

“Stay inconspicuous, Y/n,” Eris cautioned, his gaze piercing. “I’m serious.”

You scoffed, “Easier said than done.”

“Father’s aware of your recent…activities.”

You bit your lip, of course he did. He always learned what bidding Amarantha made you do—not like you could avoid it. Either suffer at the hands of that cruel woman or suffer from the hands of your father. You had experienced both, and your father’s sadist ways were getting off easy nowadays.

“You think our court’s morals matter down here, Eris?” You retorted curtly.

“You can still have modesty,” he bit back. “When we get out of here, nobody will ever want you after hearing how many nobles and lords you’ve bedded.”

Your eyes flashed with anger, “you know I have no say in the matter. Now if you’ll excuse me.” Pushing past him, you needed distance from the constant reminders of your grim reality.

Scanning the room, you took a wine-filled goblet from a passing servant. Settling at a secluded table, and sighing. You hadn’t known why Amarantha had made you one of her harlots. It took you years to comply with the bidding before finally letting go of your morality.

“I knew I could smell filth, Lady Fox.” A voice purred from behind you. You tensed as the Night Court High Lord, Rhysand, took a seat next to you. The despair you had felt turned into an ice with close proximity to the dark haired violet eyed male.

“Are you sure those aren’t Amarantha’s sheets you just rolled in that you’re smelling?” You replied smoothly.

He narrowed his eyes at you, “did Tarquin not satisfy you enough? Or did you not collect enough secrets for her liking last night and got punished?”

Rhysand could be insufferable. He had always held a disdain toward you, one that started as unwarranted until it was. You had once been a close friend to his cousin, Morrigan. Both of you were able to bond over the fact both your families hated females and only saw them as property and assets. Then your brothers had left her for dead in the woods of your court when they found she had been sullied. A note from her parents nailed to her womb.

You had mourned quietly for days for her, until Eris had broken through the wards you put up so no one could bother you. Everyone associated you to be just as cruel and nasty like your father and brothers—never taking into consideration you were your own person. Had considered the actions your family have done wounded you, and you always paid a price for them. No friends that weren’t actually friends, only scared of the consequences if they didn’t hang around you. No one you could trust without fear they’d report everything you have said to your family. That alone filled you with enough spite and resentment to become the vision everyone already had perceived you as.

“He was quite satisfactory,” you hummed, taking a sip from your glass. It was average at best, you wouldn’t let the deceitful high lord know.

Since you had been locked under this Mother forsaken place, he had been damn near the bane of your existence. Always going the extra mile to make this living nightmare a living hell for you. Poking and prodding you, knowing you couldn’t do much in retaliation.

He gave you a disgusted look and caught a servant on their way out of the room with a tray of drinks. He leaned over and plucked one off the platter like you had done prior. You couldn’t help but notice as he leaned over where his tattoos peaked from under his shirt, lashings danced over his taut back underneath the dark fabric. Your scowl had turned to frown.

“Did you not satisfy her majesty last night?” There was no venom to your words. You hadn’t known the prized possession of Amarantha had still been punished like her little spies and sex workers. You thought he got off easy since she still allowed him some of his magic, offered him one of the best suites in this prison, and more authority than anyone else down here.

He cooly leaned back, adjusting his shirt as if he knew what you saw. Then taking the drink down his throat in one gulp. He used his sleeve to wipe the drop that dropped from the corner of his mouth. His violet eyes meeting yours, a dangerous warning in those orbs.

“I wouldn’t go snooping around, Lady Fox.” Was all he said, getting up from the table and melded into the crowd of courtiers.

⭒❃.✮

The thin fabric worsened the sting of your back as it moved against the wounds that had been inflicted on you hours prior. You quietly snuck out of your family’s suite feeling suffocated being in the same vicinity as them. After the underwhelming festivities of the night your father had cornered you with your elder brothers in the suite, no Eris or your mother in sight. The poker from the fireplace in his hand, and your brothers ripping your dress down the back, constraining you.

The shame you brought upon this family was all that you could hear echoing off the halls, though they were eerily silent. Filthy whore scratching down your mind as the friction of fabric on your back reminded you of the burning iron that branded your skin. You had walked mindlessly through the halls, trying to escape your thoughts. To grasp whatever sanity was left in your mind. You no longer cried when punished, only letting the fire that was dampered for now simmer inside you. You learned crying only fed the cruelty of your father and brothers.

You sat at the top of the main staircase that led to all the suites under the mountain. You clenched your teeth, hissing, as you shrugged down the straps of your nightgown so the cold air could hit the hot wounds. Bending over, hugging your knees and rocking, getting accustomed to the chill.

“It’s not wise to be out of your suite at night, Lady Fox.” That familiar chastising voice filled the silent halls. You looked up to see Rhysand walking up the stairs towards you. You straightened up, wincing, tugging the straps up to your nightgown.

“Couldn’t I say the same?” You mustered a sneer. He was still in his clothes from earlier, slightly crumpled and wrinkled now. You could smell Amarantha on him, making your nose crinkle.

“Pain doesn’t suit you.” He said simply. “Take a walk with me.” He reached out. You hesitantly looked at his outstretched hand he offered. “I won’t bite or scold you.”

You let him take your smaller dainty hand into his rough calloused one. Fighting the seethe and sharp intake of breath as he helped you up, your muscles sore from exhaustion.

You two didn’t talk as he led you through the halls of suites. His hand still holding yours, you wondered if he had realized it. You were too numb to care or admit that warmth brought slight comfort.

“You’re not bringing me to her, are you?” You whispered. You two walked in a wing you weren’t familiar with, and your blood ran slightly cold with every step you took with the High Lord.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough fun tonight, Lady Fox?” The sarcasm dripped from his tongue. “I’m not as cruel as you Vanserra’s.” You gave him a side eye, him only offering a tight lipped smile.

He led you to a door, opening it and letting you in first. He closed the door, locking it behind him. With a snap of his fingers the fireplace roared to life, causing you to flinch. It was a bedroom. His bedroom.

“I didn’t realize you actually occupied your bedroom, I thought you rumpled about hers every night.” You said icily, taking all the details of the room in.

A large bed in the middle neatly made with dark silk sheets, a fur lined duvet, and a knitted throw blanket at the end. A dark mantled fireplace with a couple chairs in front. A wardrobe and dresser against the wall, and a door that you assumed led to a bathroom.

“She would be so fortunate to have me grace her bedroom every night.” A feline smile on his lips, his teeth brightly gleaming in the firelight. “Take a seat.” He made a gesture with his head to his bed. He walked through the door in the corner, hearing him rummage through some cabinets as you sat on the edge of the plush mattress.

Your bed wasn’t even this comfortable, you thought as you rolled your shoulders in discomfort. He came back out moments later with medical supplies and in some night clothes. He set them on the stand next to the bed, and sat next to you.

He went to reach for the straps of your nightgown, but pulled away slightly. “Do you mind?” He asked. You shook your head as you faced away from him. He took the straps and slid them down your arms. His touch was surprisingly gentle, being careful as the fabric slightly stuck to your wounds pulling your gown down. He cursed under his breath as he saw what your father had done. You're sure he had seen the healed wounds that littered your back as well, you had more than you could count by now from even before under the mountain.

Another silence had fallen upon the two of you, with only quiet hisses as he cleaned your back. Your eyes blankly staring at the poker by the fireplace.

The centuries of existence you would have never thought that Rhysand would be tending to your wounds—maybe causing them, but never gingerly applying tonic and bandages to your spine. Your shoulders tensed as he brushed some hair away, his fingers sending goosebumps down your arms.

“What would you do if we were finally freed?” He asked thoughtfully.

Your breath stilled at the question. “I-I don’t know.” You stammered.

“Would you leave the Autumn Court?” He dabbed at your back. You had thought numerous times about leaving. Like your brother had.

You cleared your throat, “I couldn’t leave my mother with them by herself.” Your father treated her atrociously, and she had been the only one to show you true love. You had often opted to take the brunt of your father’s brute behavior to save her from it, if you could help it. He only hummed in response at your answer.

“What would you do?”

“I would visit my mother’s old home in Illyria.” He didn’t hesitate with his answer. You bit your lip, you had heard from Lucien what happened about what happened to Rhysand’s mother and sister. You had thought your family had been cruel, but Tamlin’s were gods awful. Tamlin still proved to be awful, he was the reason you all had been under the mountain. You were able to at least sympathize with him on that.

“The Spring Court revels in anguish.” Was all you could say.

He chuckled darkly, “always. Reckoning will come for them soon.” All of you. It had been forty eight years of this curse, it was quickly creeping up to fifty. Soon everyone would feel that reckoning. He finished bandaging your back, smoothing them all over.

He got up to put the supplies away, leaving you awkwardly feeling exposed, sitting there with your nightgown only covering your lower half. You started to pull it up, but he came out with a dark cotton shirt. He handed it to you. His eyes stayed locked on yours as you took the shirt.

“You can sleep here, I’ll wake you before the servants and guards start roaming.” He told you as you slipped the shirt over your head, standing up to discard your blood stained nightgown from yourself. The shirt had stopped mid thigh, the cool air hitting your legs.

“Thank you,” you murmured as you set the soiled gown on the chair by the fireplace. “You didn’t have to help me.”

“She’s expecting you to do some bidding later. Can’t have you restless and burned. The scars should be gone by then.” He said void of emotion, but you saw a flash of something unreadable in those eyes as he spoke. He untucked the sheets and blankets for you.

There had been a reason for his motives in helping you, of course. Not just out of pure kindness. You felt stupid for not thinking of that in the first place.

“I’ll sleep in the chair.” He grabbed the throw.

You got in the bed, pulling the covers up, the feeling of the silk soft on your bare skin. “This is your bed, it’s big enough for us both.”

“Inviting me to bed already?” He smirked at you. Your cheeks heated in embarrassment, and he merely smiled walking to the other side. “No funny business.” He mocked sternly, slipping under the covers.

You rolled your eyes, before turning on your side away from him. “Goodnight.”

“G’night Lady Fox.” He snapped his fingers, the fire smoldering to just coals. Letting the sound of smoldering ember lull you to a restless sleep.

⭒❃.✮ ⭒❃.✮ ⭒❃.✮ ⭒❃.✮ ⭒❃.✮ ⭒❃.✮ ⭒❃.✮ ⭒❃.✮ ⭒❃

I hope you enjoyed the first part! Feel free to like, reblog, reply with feedback!! My requests are open to request any idea for fics, blurbs, or headcanons!!

[gyutarling]

CHASING THAT FUZZY FEELING

txt as my favourite shoegaze songs

♯ — txt x gn!reader ⋆ fluff ⋆ angst ⋆ blurbs

warnings! — cringe, cheesy, not proofread, lowercase intended, extremely corny

note — i'm not completely satisfied w soob's n tyun's T-T notes, reblogs, feedback always appreciated!

YEONJUN — lovely crawl by fleeting joys

"i’m looking for something that’s lost in the light"

yeonjun can be considered what some would call a hedonist. always looking for cheap thrills, things that numb and burn, that die out just as quickly as he does come morning time. everyone knows it, they pity him, and they pity you. you, who despite being aware of yeonjun’s ways, fell victim to his never-ending pursuit of pleasure. he’s here for a good time, you’re here for a long time. you thought you’d be content with the superficial affection he provides, but alas, you long for substance. constantly teetering on the edge of nothing and something, yeonjun only wants you at your best, and your best is when you’re igniting his flame of hedonism. it drowns you— the noise, the strobelights, the waiting. you’re always waiting for more, for something. but on fleeting occasions, when yeonjun’s not even conscious, passed out on the floor from the highs of self-indulgence from the night before, when it’s quiet. that’s when you can crawl up next to him, the physical closeness aids in the illusion of there being something more.

SOOBIN — bloom by glare

"your smile blooms one on me"

to say that soobin is the embodiment of a first love is like saying the sky is blue. but it’s not the exciting, puppy love type that people always say it is. falling for him is a slow descend, that budding feeling that grows, a kind of affection that’s been there all along, it just needed to sprout. soobin is a flower. a flower that opens up when the time is right, and when it is, he brings a soft hue of salvation to your bleak world. you may be fooled, because a beautiful flower can be admired by many, but you know that the blossoming emotions that soobin feels are true to only you. delicate but strong, he can withstand all the harsh conditions that the world rains down on him because you’re here, it’s a mutual assurance. it’s a love that’s gentle and nurturing, in the way that he makes you want to grow and become beautiful just like him. he supports you in every step of the way, with a smile, and it’s all you need, really.

BEOMGYU - mellow by whirr

"always between me and you"

beomgyu is aware of the ephemerality of life. he thinks there’s a certain beauty to it, honestly, how nothing lasts forever. that’s why he would consider himself a simple person, taking pleasure in the little things that make up the transience called happiness. but deep down, beomgyu is afraid. he has been loved before, and he has loved, too. he has loved too much, too intensely— but unfortunately, love is not an exception, regardless of how much beomgyu wished otherwise. so when you came into his life, beomgyu desperately hoped that nothing would take you away, that you’re not just a fleeting moment. no one gets him like you do, the way you just know. beomgyu thinks that you might just actually be his soulmate, because your connection transcends anything words can describe. he’s convinced that he must've been surrounded by cardboard cutouts his whole life, as no one but you has ever conveyed so much depth with their existence alone. monotony is beautiful with you— in fact, he would be content with just laying on the floor in your presence for eternity. so just this once, he wishes for you to be the exception.

TAEHYUN — angel by drop nineteens

"and i believe that dreams come true, cause you came when i wished for you"

“larger than life” is a phrase that would encompass taehyun’s existence perfectly. his genuine love for this cruel world impresses many, as if he knows of a transformative secret that is the key to living his life to the fullest. maybe it’s his vast curiosity, to want to know not only of the wonders of life, but also how he can get back up even after it knocks him down. taehyun believes that negativity is too draining, because of that, being with him is like a transformative experience in and of itself. he must be a higher being, an angel, 'cause even at your lowest, just one hint of a smile from him is enough for you to ascend to the clouds. that floating feeling never leaves you when you’re with him, it swallows you whole, and it makes you wonder how you could feel sad ever again. even when the clouds clear, when you two are at your most vulnerable, under the gaze of the stars, you’ll watch the skies in taehyun’s eyes instead, they shine brighter in there anyway.

HUENINGKAI — how fast can you love by pia fraus

"tomorrow, please love me"

kai has been patient his whole life. his passion drives him, he’s been walking a lonely road to achieve his dreams. he had always thought that he grew up too fast, no time for insignificant matters, kai’s world is a world in which he has to fight to survive. of course, that doesn’t mean that he’s completely immune to youthful desires, and kai wishes for nothing more than to turn back time so he could feel like a real person again, even just for a little while. and when you came into his life— a force to be reckoned with, you are, he thinks that letting himself indulge for once wouldn’t hurt. so he lets his passion consume him this time, and only then does he realise how lonely he has been all along. kai is tired of being patient, and it shows through his complete vulnerability when he’s with you. even though it’s hard, he’s so used to locking his emotions away in his heart-shaped box, you can tell he’s really trying. kai puts every ounce of himself in the potential of your love, because then he would finally have something to hope for, no matter how unsure he may be.

[girlwiththepapatattoo]

The Unlikely Similarities Between Kittens and Vampires, Chapter 3

Warnings: sexual tension, a frank description of arousal, Astarion being himself, a bit of angst

Summary: Feelings are hard for repressed idiots.

Notes: Can I stop writing for them? No, not really. Do I mind? No, not really.

Read on ao3 here!

Chapters: 1, 2

The very next day, Sable knows that she’d made a grave mistake by using her cat form in front of Astarion. 

For now he had a new nickname for her. 

“Well, good morning, kitten,” he simpers, waltzing up to her as she stretches outside her tent. “I do hope you slept well last night.” 

Pausing mid-stretch, she can feel her face go hot. “W-What did you call me?” 

“Oh, kitten? I thought it fitting, considering…well, you know,” he says with a laugh, then cocks his head. “Why?” He feigns concern. “Do you not like it?” 

The look in his eyes is pure pleased villainy, and she has to resist the urge to kis-smack it off his beauti-vexing face. “...call me whatever you want, I don’t care,” she grounds out, and stomps off toward the nearby stream to wash the sleep from her skin. 

“Oh, you are just so cute,” he chortles, and goes back to his tent to get ready for their travels ahead. 

/////////////////////////////////////////

The day is mostly uneventful, save for taking out a goblin scouting party, but that night threatens storms. Lightning flashes in the distance and thunder rolls through the hills as they all hurriedly set up their tents. Dinner is spent separately, eating their rations in solitude as the heavens rage above them. 

It gives Sable time to think as she stares up at the ceiling. So much has changed in only a few short days…she worries her bottom lip as she realizes that even in such a short time, she’s not the same woman she was. 

She doesn’t know yet if that’s a good thing or not. 

All she knows is, between the tadpole in her head, the strong personalities in camp, and knowing that soon they’ll be storming a goblin camp? She’d like to turn into her cat form and stay that way. 

Any further musings, however, are dashed as she suddenly sees a shadow in a flash of lightning, standing outside her closed tent flap. She grips a dagger, her focus sharpening, ready to strike.

“Sable!” comes Astarion’s voice, sounding quite urgent. “Sable, are you awake?! Let me in, this storm is ruining my hair!” 

She gapes for a second, before letting go of the knife and untying the tent flap. As soon as there’s enough room for him to come in he dives through the opening, and she ties it back closed. “What are you doing here, Astarion?” she demands. 

“Come now, is that any way to greet a friend? A friend who, may I remind, braved this dreadful storm to come and visit?” he replies, pouting, rainwater dripping off his nose. He’s nearly soaked through, and Sable rolls her eyes and tosses a towel over his head. 

“You could have been nice and dry in your own tent,” she grumbles, settling cross-legged onto her bedroll. There’s not much room in her tent, and so they’re sitting rather close, a fact that she tries to ignore (and fails, if the rising blush says anything about it.) “Could this not have waited until the storm passed?” 

“This is the kind of storm that will be here all night, I’m afraid,” he replies, toweling off his hair and shoulders. “And unless you want to make good on our deal in broad daylight in front of everyone…” 

Her brows furrow in confusion, before she remembers the previous night. “Oh, right.” A particularly vicious peel of thunder makes her jump a little, and she swallows hard. 

He looks at her in the darkness. “Not having second thoughts, I hope.” 

“No, not…not about you drinking my blood at least. I trust you enough.” 

“Oh, glad to hear it! How about we make ourselves comfortable, hm? Go on and lie down, my sweet kitten.” 

She huffs at him, but does as he bids. “I can’t believe you’re going to call me that,” she grumbles, getting comfortable. 

“I think it’s rather cute. And unless you truly, deeply despise it, I shan’t be stopping,” he sniffs in return. Then he shifts over her, the confined space forcing him to straddle her hips. The sight of him there, sitting on her as though a lover might, makes her go rigid underneath him, squeeze her eyes shut, and look away. “Now, this will never do. Relax, or it will hurt more.” 

“S-Sorry,” she gasps, trying desperately not to give in to the impulse to shape change. 

He watches as she struggles to relax, her eyes darting back and forth under their lids. His teeth ache, the predator in him urging him to take her lifeblood, practically tasting her fear. He pushes the impulse away. Normally he’d be all for it, would relish inflicting real hurt…but not with her. 

Never with her. 

And he doesn’t want to contemplate that right now, thank you.

“Tell me what’s wrong, kitten. You’re terrified.” His voice is low, soothing, and that is definitely not helping matters.

She swallows hard, opens her eyes again, but the beautiful sight before her is too much. Her eyes slam shut again, and she has to resist squeezing her thighs together.

He makes a soft tsking sound, then pauses. His nostrils flare. Beneath the ozone from the storm, beneath the scents of a long road traveled is…sweetness. A heady, cloying sweetness that he’s smelled…well. Often enough. 

“Ah.” He smirks faintly, taking in her state. “I am flattered, darling. But why the trembling? I’d be more concerned if you weren’t attracted to me.” He leans down, slowly so he doesn’t spook her. He braces himself on his forearms and positions his lips close to her ear. “Is my little kitten untouched?” he whispers. 

A whimper rips from her throat before she can stop it. Desperately embarrassed, she hides her face behind her hands. “S-Shut up, Astarion! Just take what you need!” 

He chuckles, low and dark and infinitely pleased, the sound a caress over her jaw. “Well, that’s a rather open ended statement, Sable. Especially for someone like me. But…I suppose I’ll stop teasing. Your virtue is safe, darling. I’d never touch you like that without your permission…” His lips brush over the shell of her pointed ear, and another strangled noise bursts from her lips. “Mmm, I think I may have found my new favorite sound.” 

Her body’s drawn toward him, a pull, a tug for this man that she barely understands. Her breath comes in quick pants, her hands clinging to the back of his shirt, a fire raging under her skin. 

She’s pretty sure she knows how Karlach feels now, if in a more metaphorical sense. 

“P-Please,” she whispers, and she has absolutely no idea what she’s asking for. 

He pauses, something in her tone demanding his attention. He pulls back ever so slightly to gauge her body language. Her face is flushed, her hips squirming without her even realizing it, he can see the juts of her hardened nipples through her sleep shirt. Physically, she’s more than ready for him…but…

There’s a mix of want and nervousness in her expression. Almost fear. This is uncharted territory for her, and someone as shy as Sable needs to be eased into sex. And this encounter tonight is very much not that. 

He softens. Something tugs hard in his chest (figuratively, of course, there hasn’t been actual movement in there for centuries), and instead of continuing to tease her, to rile her up…he brushes a tender, gentle kiss over her cheek and pulls away. 

Her eyes snap open, watching as that beautiful face moves away from her and his hands reach for the ties to the tent flap. “W-Where are you going?” she whispers. 

He pauses, and he doesn’t look at her, not wanting her to see the vulnerability in his eyes. “Ah, well, back to my tent. It seems…I’ve no need to feed tonight after all,” he murmurs. 

She stares at him. “Oh.” Her voice sounds much smaller than she’d like. “I…did I do something wrong?” 

“What?” Sounding incredulous, he finally turns to her, brow furrowing. “My dear kitten, of course not!” He sighs, sitting back a little and looking down. He has to force the words out. “I believe that I…may have gotten ahead of myself, that’s all.” He looks back up, meeting her confused gaze, and he gave her a faint smirk. “Don’t think this gets you out of our deal. I’m simply…delaying it for a night. It’s too stuffy in this tent anyway.” 

He goes back to work on the ties, his silhouette outlined with another flash of lightning. And when the light fades…he’s gone. 

She stares out into the dark for a long moment, the pouring rain falling unheeded into her tent, and wonders why she feels like crying.

[id-rather-be-an-outsider]

Cashmere and Cradles

Jean Kierstein x Pregnant!Reader

summary: y/n gets sick, and Jean worries sick. then, they’re both in for the sickest surprise of their lives.

word count: 3226

a/n: I was inspired to write this by the always lovely @quiveringdeer! this is also something close to home for me due to me incorporating my personal experiences, so plz be nice in the notes ya’ll (everyone always is but I like putting the disclaimer there for certain fics)

masterlist

I haven’t stopped being nauseous since I woke up. Is this really all because I had an anxiety attack from that one asshole? I already googled it, maybe it’s the fact that I drank a ton of water right when I woke up. I don’t know. I could barely touch the alfredo noodles we had last night, but I thought that was just me being anxious. Jean looked a little concerned at dinner, but I told him I was fine when he kissed me goodbye this morning. Just tired.

Really, I’m exhausted. I feel my stomach lurch, and I realize, I’m going to throw up. I run to the bathroom as fast as possible, nearly missing the toilet, and the last bits of undigested dinner from last night come up, along with bile and all the water from earlier. When I stop retching, I flush the toilet, and stand up dizzily. I brush my teeth to get rid of the remaining vomit, gargle a million times, and wipe my face, which has tears streaming down from the pain. Without fail, my body always feels like it’s been shoved into a trash compactor when I throw up.

When I’m finished cleaning myself up, I decide to go back to bed. The thought of trying to keep food down right now is an awful one. I text Jean to tell him I think I got a stomach bug, and he immediately texts me back asking why. I smile to myself, rolling my eyes a bit. He’s such a worry wart. Just puked, but I feel a lot better. Must’ve been why I was tired, I reply.

Do you need anything? He asks me, and I can imagine his furrowed eyebrows right in front of me.

You’re so sweet, baby. No, I just need sleep.

Have you eaten today?

No. If I eat right now I probably won’t keep it down. I never can after throwing up. I’ll eat when I wake back up. Love you xo

Ok, love you too babygirl xo

I smile to myself, then set my phone down on the nightstand. It doesn’t take long for me to drift off into a peaceful slumber.

I’m woken by my phone vibrating on the nightstand. “Hello?” I answer groggily, and am spooked by Connie’s annoyingly loud voice.

“Y/n! Someone’s pregnant!” He yells into my ear. I hold my phone far away from me, pinching the bridge of my nose. Somehow, he’s already given me a headache. “Who?”

“I don’t know, but Sasha said her mom had a dream about fish! And you know what that means!” He says. I do not know what that means.

I yawn, asking, “Does it mean she misses her son-in-law’s cooking? Niccolo should visit her again soon.”

Connie pauses. “Hey, were you asleep before I called you?”

“Yes. Very peacefully, I might add. I have the flu.”

“W-why didn’t you tell me?!” He yells at me, and I wince.

“Connie, shut the fuck up! I have a migraine because of you! And because, I thought it would be obvious!” I say.

“Huh?” Connie asks in exasperation. “It’s three in the afternoon! How am I supposed to know you took a midday nap?”

“I never took a nap…” I trail off when I realize that means I’ve slept for basically 14 hours straight, excluding my short time being awake this morning. “Damn. I didn’t think I was this sick.”

“I’m sorry for waking you up, y/n.” Connie apologizes, panic gone from his voice.

I wave him off, not realizing he can’t see me for a few seconds. “No, no, it’s fine. I needed to get up anyways, I have commissions I need to work on, sick or not. Anyways, what’s your point? About the fish and somebody being pregnant.”

“Oh! Right!” He exclaims. “So, dreams have meaning. There’s symbolism in them that rings true.”

“Why are you using the word symbolism? That has no business being in your vocabulary, it’s out of your intelligence bracket.” I say, snickering to myself when he pauses to process what I’ve said.

“Hey! I know things, okay?!” Connie defends himself after realizing I called him stupid. “Anyways, when someone dreams about a fish, it means someone they know is pregnant. And there’s always someone who’s pregnant.

“Mhm.” I say. “Well, if you figure out who that pregnant person is, tell me so I can congratulate them on making a terrible financial decision for the next eighteen plus years. I’m tired, so I’m gonna go back to bed.”

Connie says, “But didn’t you just talk about how much work you were gonna do?”

“Times change, Connie,” I respond, “That, and I just got even more tired than I was when I first answered the phone. I think you’re just exhausting me with your idiocy.”

Connie gasps, and I swear I can hear him clutching his imaginary pearls. “Hurtful!”

I sigh. “Goodbye, Connie.”

He groans, like I’ve just ruined his plans to gossip about pregnancy candidates. “Bye, y/n.” The phone hangs up with a beep, and I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling as I think to myself. There aren’t many options, in all honesty. Ymir and Historia could have decided they wanted to start a family, Eren and Mikasa, Annie and Bertholdt, even Sasha and Niccolo. I’m sick as a dog, so I’m already counted out — can’t have a baby when you’re busy having stomach flu. Before I know it, I’m lulled back to sleep by the comfort of the plush mattress and cushy blankets.

When I come to, it’s sunset, and the offending noise that wakes me is Jean’s keys jangling in the doorknob. I would get up to unlock the door for him, but I’m too groggy to move more than a finger. The door squeaks open, and I hear him put his keys down on the counter, stepping out of his shoes. “Y/n?” He calls, concern laced in his voice.

“Over here!” I respond in turn, yawning and stretching a bit. Jean’s footsteps make the apartment vibrate. He’s not heavy, but the infrastructure isn’t immune to jiggle physics. He turns the concern and I can see the wrinkles forming in real time, all because of me. Then, I can see flowers and a card. “Baby!” I exclaim in surprise, “Is that for me?”

He smiles, and he’s no longer aged by seven years. “I couldn’t come home to my girl empty-handed now, could I? How are you feeling?” He sets the flowers down on the bed, along with the card, and gathers me into a gentle hug, kissing me on the cheek.

“Babe,” I argue, “Don’t, you’ll get sick.”

“And get to take time off to spend with the most beautiful person in the world? Sounds great to me.” He grins when I roll my eyes, then asks, “Did you stay in bed all day?”

I nod. “Yea, I felt pretty shitty. No throwing up aside from the one time, though. Oh! And guess what? According to Sasha’s mom, somebody’s pregnant. The fish in her dreams told her so.”

He meets my eyes with a knowing look, his smile ever-present. “I am taking this so seriously right now, I swear. And who did we hear this fish dream news from?”

“Connie, who dared to wake me from my slumber.” I sigh, sitting up in the bed so I can be on eye-level with Jean.

Jean says, “I see, I see. Sounds like indisputable fact, if you ask me.”

“No, babe. We’re asking the dream fish.”

He laughs, and I laugh with him. “Okay, enough bullying people for being superstitious. You need some water, and soft foods. You probably haven’t eaten all day, have you?” I shake my head no. Jean says, “Well, I’m not Chef Niccolo, but I can make something pretty saucy. I’ll see what I can manage.”

“Do we have…” I start, but trail off, realizing it was a stupid question. Of course we wouldn’t have Kraft mac and cheese. “Nevermind.” I say with a smile at Jean as he looks at me inquisitively.

Fifteen minutes later, he brings me a bowl of noodles with shredded chicken in it. “Is this alright?” He asks me, and I can see he genuinely is worried I won’t like it.

I smile gratefully at him. “Of course, thank you baby. You don’t have to worry about me, the nausea seems to be the worst of it.” I feel a twinge in my stomach looking at the food, but I know it’s just me being finicky because I’m sick. I have to eat something if I want to get better.

He pats my back. “All right, I’m gonna hop in the shower. The door’s unlocked if you need anything, as per usual.” He kisses my forehead, then leaves me to handle business.

When he’s out of sight, I stare at my food like it’s insulting me. My stomach feels like it’s doing flips, and I would rather go back to sleep, but I know if I don’t eat anything, Jean will freak. His mom used to get sick all the time — bad immune system — so now, after everything I’ve been through, he watches over me like a mother hen.

And what is it that I’ve been through? Well… a miscarriage. And an eating disorder. It was for the better that the miscarriage happened, because neither of us were ready for a kid, but it was grueling. I only found out I was pregnant because of the miscarriage, and it left me even more physically and emotionally drained than I already had been for the month before. It explained the nausea, and the inability to eat most foods, but after the miscarriage, I continued being unable to eat. I lost a lot of weight, and when I finally went to the doctor’s office, they recommended I start eating protein bars to regain what I’d lost. I did, and I haven’t lost the weight again since then, but Jean fusses over me, because he knows my eating disorder is a daily battle, not one that just goes away. I tell him not to worry, that as long as I’m keeping my current weight then we have nothing to worry about, but it’s like talking to a brick wall. Or, for accuracy’s sake, it’s like talking to a magical brick wall that finds the most anxiety-inducing message in all of your words and echoes that back to you.

The miscarriage and the events after it happened years ago, but I remember it like yesterday, and so does Jean. Every now and then, we whisper to each other at night, talking about what might have happened if I hadn’t miscarried.

I don’t know why I’m thinking about all of this right now. Maybe it’s because the nausea I’m feeling now reminds me of back then. I shake my head, clearing my thoughts, then mentally prepare myself to take a bite of food. I stab the fork into my noodles and twist, twist, twist, until I have a reasonable lump of noodles around my fork, ready to be eaten. I lift it up into my mouth, and when I smell the noodles… it’s over.

I throw my fork down, quickly setting my bowl down on the nightstand and run to the bathroom faster than the speed of light. I nearly slam the door open, and start puking as soon as the toilet seat and lid are propped up. I hear Jean pull back the shower curtain as I heave, splatters of liquid and mush landing in the toilet. The room is already steamed up – he loves hot showers. We both do, to be fair. “Babe? Are you okay?” He asks me, and it takes literally everything in me to not snap at him and say that I’m obviously not okay.

I give him a thumbs up. “I don’t know why, but just smelling the food made me nauseous. What was the expiration date on the canned chicken?”

As water trickles down his bare chest, sculpted abs dividing my attention, Jean says, “I just bought that on Saturday. No way it’s expired. If you can’t eat, why don’t you try taking a shower? You’ve been in sick clothes all day.” I put the lid down and flush the toilet, slowly nodding as I stand up. I strip down, joining him in the spray as he holds his hand out for me to take. Always the gentleman. I’m sandwiched between him and the warm water, and I sigh, feeling some relief for once. He slides his hands around my waist, kissing my cheek and leaning his head against mine, sighing with me. “I’m sorry you’re so sick, baby.”

I turn around to face him, the water hitting my backside as I wrap my arms around his neck, looking up at him. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” I get up on my tip-toes to kiss him, and where nausea once was in my stomach, a fire suddenly rages – a fire of want, of desperate need. I close my eyes, deepening the kiss and pressing my body against his. “Baby.” I pant out, reaching down for his member as I feel the slick growing between my thighs.

He grunts, stopping the kiss and holding my arms, stepping away. “Not right now, y/n. You’re sick. It would just make you worse. Let’s wait until you’re feeling better, yea?” I hadn’t actually touched him yet, but I can already see that he’s clearly aroused.

I frown to myself. I’m disappointed, but he’s right. “Yea, right. Sorry.” I don’t know what came over me in that moment, but right now, I feel riled up for no apparent reason. What is happening to me?

We finish our shower, and he grabs out the silkiest pair of pajamas for me, helping me dry off and put them on before helping me into bed, and I note he removed the offending food from the area. I don’t know how I managed to meet someone as kind as him. “Hey,” He asks me, “Weren’t you supposed to start your period a few days ago?”

I think to myself, then nod in confirmation. “I think I was. No big deal, though. I’d probably be miserable if I had to deal with that and this at the same time.” He looks deep in thought. “What is it?” I ask him.

He shakes his head. “I’m just worried about you, is all. Why don’t you get some sleep and I’ll run to the store to get some hot cocoa for you to try?” Hot cocoa sounds delicious right now, I’ll give him that. It’s not usually something I crave, but maybe some sugar is just the thing I need after all of this bullshit.

I smile, then lay back in bed. “Okay, baby. See you then.”

When I wake up, it’s to Jean sitting at my feet, holding some kind of stick in his hand, eyes wide in shock, jaw completely slack. I look to my right and spot two mugs of cocoa sitting on my nightstand, one half-drunk. “Baby? What is it?” I ask him, unable to push myself up.

“I… I… I didn’t think… I only had an inkling of a hunch as to what it might be, but…” He stammers, more to himself than to me.

I sigh forcefully. “Jean. Baby. What is it?”

“Baby.” He says.

“Yes, I’m listening, Jean,” I reply, a bit annoyed that he isn’t listening. It’s not like him. “What is it?” I ask again, with more emphasis.

“A baby.” He says, and when he lifts up his hand to show me, I realize he’s holding not one, not two, but three pregnancy tests. And they all are positive. “You forgot to flush the toilet when you peed after getting out of the shower.”

Now, my face matches his. “What???” I say, suddenly jolting up into a sitting position, but not without a wave of nausea rolling over me. “I… what are we gonna do?” I say, panic setting in.

Jean answers, “We’re gonna do what you want to do, of course.” He leans over, setting the tests down on my nightstand and grabbing my hand, squeezing it. “If you don’t feel ready…”

“I��” I cut myself off when I feel my lip wobble. Tears suddenly well up in my eyes, and I fight the urge to let them loose. “Jean, I can’t.” I see the disappointment in his eyes, and I start to cry. “I can’t lose another one, Jean, I can’t. Please.”

He pauses, taken aback, but quickly hugs me to comfort me. “Oh, y/n, don’t cry, don’t cry. I’m an idiot, I thought you were saying ‘I can’t’ as in, you couldn’t keep it, I’m an idiot, ignore my initial reaction.”

I sniffle and wipe my eyes. “Wait…” I ask, “You mean you would rather me keep it?”

Jean laughs, and I almost puke from the vibrations alone, but I don’t care right now. “Yes, yes, I absolutely would rather you keep it, but I’ll support you either way.”

I start crying even more. “Oh, thank God, thank God, I thought…”

Jean pulls back slightly, but only to place kiss upon kiss all over my face. He pauses, looking me in the eye. “Put that thought away. It doesn’t have any place here.” He then places his arm behind my back, laying me back down on the bed. He starts unbuttoning my pajama top, just a few buttons from the waist up. He kisses my stomach, right below my belly button. “Hey, baby.” He whispers against my abdomen, and I lightly push him away with my arms.

“Baby. As cute as that is, please don’t. The vibrations make me nauseous.” I smile tiredly, but beckon him to lay next to me. He happily joins me, throwing an arm over my stomach and sliding under the covers.

Quietly, he says, “How does the cocoa smell?”

“Good.” I whisper.

He chuckles. “My mom said she liked that when she was pregnant with me.”

Sassily, I say, “Oh, so the baby has your taste, does he?”

And he says, “Possibly. Is it selfish of me to want them to be a girl? I’d love to have two of you around here. Plus, then Connie won’t try to make me name them after him in honor of him being the first one to share the news of your pregnancy.”

I roll my eyes. “Right, the fish gods.”

“I thought they were dream fish?”

“Same shit.” I scoff. “Can we just… never tell him?”

Jean hums. “Mmm… unfortunately, that might be a little suspect. We have to tell my mom first, anyways. Gramas always have seniority. Want me to wait a bit?”

I respond, “Maybe for a week, that way you can say I got you sick and you can’t go into work.”

Jean groans. “Babe, how are you so hot, so smart, and so pregnant with my kid, all at once? I feel so lucky right now.” He kisses my collar bone, laying back beside me like I’ve knocked him out with my grand idea.

I laugh, hand resting on my stomach. “You’re an idiot, Jean.”

“Just a fool in love,” He says, “Thinking about cashmere blankets and cedarwood cradles.”

[virtie333]

Day 23 - Life Day Damerey Celebration

Prompt: Tip-yip

Summary: Poe and Finn prepare the Tip-yip for Life Day

Notes: This was inspired by the Lego Star Wars Holiday Special from 2020. I still want Poe's sweater.

AO3

“What is that burning smell?”

Both Poe and Finn looked up at Rey’s question, more than a little guilt on their faces.

“That’s the Tip-yip,” Finn said.

“But it’s not burning!” Poe defended. “That’s just a little bit that got caught up in the engine that smells. The rest of the Tip-yip is fine!”

“What is Tip-yip?” Rey asked. “I’ve heard more than one person mention it, usually in association with Life Day.”

“It’s a bird, actually,” Finn told her. “Native to Endor. When the Rebellion- slash- New Republic celebrated their first Life Day after the war, they roasted Tip-yip for their meal. Word got out, and it’s become a Life Day tradition.”

“You can find Tip-yips all over, now,” Poe added. “Anyway, we thought you might like to have a traditional Life Day meal this year, our first Life Day since our war ended.”

“I don’t know,” Rey said, eyeing the men warily as they turned the Tip-yip on a spit behind Poe’s X-Wing while BB8 controlled the thrusters from his droid socket. It looked more than a little dangerous. “I’m not really liking that smell.”

“I promise once the burned smell goes away, the aroma will make your mouth water,” Poe smiled.

Finn shook his head. “Provided we don’t burn the whole thing up.” He looked at Rey. “I know what you like to eat, Rey, and you’ll love Tip-yip!”

“Hmmmm…” Rey voiced noncommittedly.

“Hey, Rey!” Rose shouted from behind her. Rey turned. “Come help with the rest of the meal. It may be all we get!”

“I am truly appalled by your lack of faith in us, Rose!” Poe called out as Rey turned to help Rose. “Hey! Hey! Hey!” he suddenly shouted. Rey looked back to see him slapping the Tip-yip with a rag, dousing the bit of flame that had appeared on the bird. Laughing softly, she joined Rose.

“I’m assuming that was Poe’s bright idea?” she asked.

“He said he’s done it before, but I have my doubts,” Rose answered. They grinned at each other.

Thirty minutes later, the meal was ready, and the Tip-yip was surprisingly not burned to a crisp. In fact, when Rey finally got her first taste of it, she was amazed. “This is really good!”

“Told you!” Poe said with a smirk. “Granted, it might have tasted almost as good if we had just stuck it in an oven, but that takes so long!”

“Well, even I’m impressed,” Finn said. “When you said it was the best way to cook Tip-yip, I was sure we weren’t going to get anything but ashes for dinner.” He nodded solemnly toward his friend. “I concede that you are the master Tip-yip chef extraordinaire.”

Poe snorted a laugh. “Yeah, I think my greatest achievement was not getting killed while cooking this thing.”

Everyone laughed at his comment, then continued to eat.

They hadn’t planned on celebrating Life Day here on Candidus. Rey and Finn were travelling to the sites of old Jedi temples, looking for any information they could find on the teaching of new Jedi so that Rey could finally start a school of her own. Rose had come to be with Finn, and Poe had also followed along, uncertain of his future now that the war was over, and just wanting to be close to his friends. They had camped just outside the main village a week or so ago, and just yesterday while shopping in town, Rose had been reminded that it was almost Life Day. She had quickly purchased a Tip-yip and brought it back to camp.

After the meal, they all sat around the table with drinks and just talked. Rey had never felt so full and content before. She found herself staring at Poe. The graceful way his hands moved as he talked, the errant curl that fell over his forehead, the tiny gap in between his canine and incisor teeth, the slight imperfection endearing… Kriff, she had it bad. Sadly, he would never look at her as anything but a friend.

“What do you think, Rey?”

Finn’s question jerked her out of her brooding. “I’m sorry, what?”

“If Rose and I go to the Life Day ball at the Auditorium in town tomorrow night as a couple, would you be willing to go with Poe?”

Rey stared at her friend for a moment, then looked at Poe, not sure how to respond.

“Yeesh,” Poe said, eyes wide. “If her expression is anything to go by, I’d say that’s a no.”

Rey shook her head. “No, that’s not a no,” she denied. “I’m just… you mean like… a date?”

Poe suddenly looked uncomfortable. “Well, you don’t have to think if it that way. I mean, we could just be two friends escorting each other.”

“Friends,” Rey breathed. “Of course.” She nodded, looking down, not wanting them to see her disappointment. For one second there, she had been so hopeful. She composed herself and looked back up. “Yeah, I could do that.”

Poe was staring at her, his brows furrowed. It was the most serious he had looked all night.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I am ready for bed,” Rose told them. As if that was everybody’s cue, they stood, saying their goodnights and heading for their individual tents. Rey knew Finn would end up in Rose’s for the night.

Rey was half-way to her tent when she heard Poe call her name. She turned to find him running up to her, his expression worried.

“Hey, if you don’t want to go to this thing with me tomorrow night, I’m okay with that.”

Again, Rey felt her heart lurch. “You don’t want me to?”

“No! I want you to,” he said. “I just don’t want you to feel pressured into doing something you don’t like.”

“I want to go,” Rey told him. “I think it sounds fun. I just don’t want it to get awkward with people thinking you and I are a couple.” She smiled, but she was sure it looked as fake as it felt. “It might get in the way of you finding a real date.”

“What if… I want you to be my real date?”

Rey’s heart started pounding. “Really?”

Poe nodded, a small smile on his lips. “Yeah, really.”

“I’d like that,” Rey said softly.

Poe’s smile got bigger. “Good. Then it’s a date.” He paused. “A real date.”

Rey couldn’t help but smile back, and this time it was real. “Okay. Goodnight, Poe.”

“Goodnight.”

As Rey turned back toward her tent, she looked over her shoulder. “And thank you for the Tip-yip.”

[bigstupiddummie]

making a post in the tags to “call out” a person is so dumb and childish and stupid, so i won’t put this in there. however, the admin of @wavehq is full lying on my name these days even though i haven’t talked to them or anyone else involved in there in like 6mos. and i rly want them to stop.

i don’t have my old discord account w ss. if anyone else has ss with me in them, u can add them to this post idc how ugly it makes me look. i talked a LOT of shit ( and pertaining to this story, about sel esp ) and called ppl some nasty names and any ss will incriminate me of that. so me talking shit isn’t a ‘gotcha’ anymore. i talked shit and called sel names, as well as k, and i know sel called me names, and im sure everyone else did too. whatevs.

yk what i never did ? i never made a “manifesto” about my ex friend, or priv-retweeted their personal ooc twitter account to mock them. i never helped create and work on an rpt blog, then went and consoled the person being mentioned in nasty messages in the blog on some “oh im so sorry this is happening to you ˙◠˙” shit when it was them the whole time. the worst i did was “fuck her, he’s a cunt, fuck them”, but dream, you lied to me a Lot!

and you’re lying in defending yourself by saying i “heavily hate” sid or anyone. i never have, never did, never will. the last thing i said to sid in like July was “hey, heres my ooc tiktok, im deleting discord. if i never hear from you again, take care.” and then i left rp and the rpc entirely. haven’t talked to or even perceived any of you in months.

you want to believe i’m “bringing this up now” to start stuff or something, but what stakes do i have in any of this? you and yours drove me out of the hobby i’ve loved since i was 12, used an rpt blog to force me to defend myself against your ugly claims at a time you Knew well and good i was absent and dealing with a family death ( and then came in my dms to comfort me ??? you and k both. ) . i lost all of my best friends of several years. trust me, i want no part of the rpc anymore. i don’t want back in. i don’t want to engage. this is a nothing tumblr account that ill never use again. consider, instead, that another person close to the situation and i shared similar experiences and realized there were too many untruths and inconsistencies to let it rest, rather than just ‘starting stuff’ to start stuff.

“sid says steph crops screenshots to make them look incriminating” aye , but i definitely gave my entire discord login out, more than once, and encouraged my friend at the time to go ahead and look for themselves ( they declined at the time. i can still give the login i really do not care. though idk if the login will work anymore bc the accounts been deactivated for, uh, 6 months.) i cropped ss where earthp members were telling me how K is making them uncomfortable and how they were worried lenny was being dragged around by K, that i did do. and i STILL let k know that that’s what they were saying. i can’t stress enough ive got Nothing here that im fighting for i just think its ugly to lie for so long to everyone

“steph heavily hates sid” i do not. note the last thing i said to sid, up there ^. we did follow each other on tiktok then, and then we didn’t speak for 6 months. as of this morning, we are no longer tiktok mutuals - so it goes. sid never owed me anything. i don’t hate them. they know ( and yk what, so do my irl work managers!!! bc this shit affected my actual real mental health!!! ) that the day things went down, i left work early sobbing full blown emotional episode, writing paragraphs in desperation, to the point of overwhelming them and myself. i loved them dearly, called them my ‘spouse’ and best friend everyday, etc. though i don’t know now if they knew more about you than they let on. anyway……. please don’t just be declaring shit about me like it’s fact ?? i don’t hate anyone. not even you dream! just stop lyinggggg i hate that

ye all made me feel like i was crazy and losing myself in my own paranoia omg??? and ye were in your private chats afterward going “well deserved!!!” who even are you what did i do to you omgggg are we not in our late 20s with lives and careers ?????

if this is all bc of heddie/reddie and avengefm ? its ships dude it’s dolls it’s not real and to commit so much energy and emotion to lying to protect ur ships/rps is troubling at best. and if its not about heddie/reddie, then i haven’t a NOTION bc you and i, even when we were friendly w each other, were not close enough to create a bond to break??? i didnt do anything to you but welcome you into my writing spaces and engage in yours to the best of my ability. i was transparent with you when my activity struggled or i needed a break for mental health reasons… but what you had done with your friends is what ruined my mental health ?… go figure ….

i know who was behind that blog because they came clean and told me your connection to it as well. i know sel said nasty things about me too - we’re human and humans love talking shit. but no one else ever took it as far as you did, dream.

i don’t want anything from you! just stop lying on my name i don’t “heavily hate” anyone. outside of my shit talking from 6mos ago, i haven’t said a word against anyone but yourself; i’ve called you a liar, here in this post, because that is what i believe you are.

nobody in my entire life brings up what happened in everwell more than you and k. i owned up to every part i had ( whether directly or by my unavailability, all of it ), i deplatformed and cut out my two best friends ( people i had had in my HOME and had met IRL they were real people to me!!!!! ) and apologized personally to everyone affected, while picking out a funeral outfit and consoling my crying family. these are all my cards on table. you don’t have to respond either. just omg quit lying about me and the way i feel and what my intentions are - if a mf wants to know what im thinking and feeling, they can just Ask me.

and k i don’t want anything from you either! your names in this post because you were involved, and you know your involvement with that blog and how you also came to console me after. outside of that, i do not think of you and do not care what you think of me.

sid, i don’t want anything from u all either and i meant it when i said if i never hear from you again, take care bc i did care for u lots and also invited you into my home bc you were a real person to me. just know for a fact that anything dream says i’m saying about you or feeling toward you is just pulled out of thin air for whatever reason.

i always thought ye all were great writers!!! and so did snags and lex, way back when it was about writing for the love of writing. i would say all the time “omg dream is so funny” “omg k is cracking me up”, and they’d agree. hell if they’re at all in the rpc anymore and see this - hey guys! sorry shit got so ugly. you’ll never guess who was behind it.

i left the rpc and got mental help. i hope ye can get some help too.

* this is dream bringing sel into the Issues and tying her directly to k, btw. you keep saying you didn’t bring sel into the k stuff, but “they’re besties” “she and sel” “they want peach to drop eddie so sel can pick up eddie” this is where we’re getting that from, bc you keep saying you only referenced sel’s activity and didn’t connect her to k at all. i cropped out sids response. i can add it if need be but it’s just sid believing you.

this is where i’m pulling what im referencing in this post from. the second half is censored bc it doesn’t have to do with me.

this is me texting my irl work manager on the day sid and i last spoke. i was distraught and emotional and crying but ok yeah i “heavily hate” sid when the way everything went down broke me to bits OKAYYY

the censored names are the names of my irl managers like it was So Serious so don’t try putting words in my mouth about sid.

[evelyne-am]

April 30, 2023

Day 47

I haven’t written in two weeks. And a lot has happened between then and now. There are parts of the inner process that I didn’t feel like documenting that’s one of the reasons, another reason is that it is time consuming every day to put in my thoughts especially after these long rehearsals which take up so much energy, The only reason is that truthfully I have missed my personal life a bit and the last blog post I wrote was April 13 and from April 14 onwards I did sort of get into my close friends social lives. The New Year’s celebrations, DC‘s birthday, Eid holidays, and I admit it’s been really nice but what has happened every single time is that I have enjoyed it while I’m in it but afterwards I regretted a little bit because it would pop me out of the play. One of the things that happened in the last couple of weeks is that M1 has been cut out of the play. We were supposed to do three stories of three women but I was bunch of things have happened over the last few weeks and one day it got to a point where it was really messy and our director made a difficult decision and said we will just focus on the two stories. So my speaking rule that was almost confirmed it was a short one in the middle of the play was an owl given to someone else. My being a little less mentally involved in that week I fear cost me that role, I mean it might have been given anyway because now the lead role from M one is doing it as she did not have a role in M2. But I had planned to put forth my audition for the last scene of M2 and never did. Yes definitely I didn’t prepare it so I wasn’t confident, but when my speaking role in the middle was cut I tried to see what the director was saying. The

Day it was cut, I did not blink not once when he said that it was given to someone else, not when I was showing the other person that Roll. I am a professional, and I am also an amateur here. So I have the merit to understand That people need time and experience to play main roles on stage. The same day the music people were there and Sir seemed really delighted because when we are there everything is in tune and tempo and the choreography works better. So if there was any disappointment in me it was off sided by the fact that everyone was delighted to have the music team there it was a brilliant rehearsal still in the middle of Ramadan where we all sat and ate together if you saw my stories.

Also I had mentioned we had four new boys join and one of them is the boys who mum who died on day two all day three and his brother. But of the four boys three of them didn’t stay barely did three or four rehearsals. It is tedious for the boys because their part is minimal and only the one person who Mum had died I mentioned he has stayed and he has taken that role of being says right hand like the other existing boys are making notes of the choreography and all the rules and so that’s that. But two big things that have happened is MONQ her mum got really sick and went to surgery and she missed a couple of rehearsals and one day she came and said that she can’t continue. Don’t want to say it derogatorily or judging Lee but she was not in the play as much as the rest of us probably because of her home situation so couldn’t really blame her. The director has actually predicted this a week before and we had done a couple of choreographies without her in it. It was a sad goodbye and we hugged and parted ways with her giving warm and tearful farewell to everyone in the group. But the other loss from the cast which was really unexpected was a former member, a trained member, who I suppose as a male role in the minimal male role was unable to keep his attention and his passion and focus where he was not playing anything significant. We did a run through one day and he must a fair bit and I suppose the director was more angry with him than others because he’s an old trooper and told him if he doesn’t want to be in the player he can leave. But he did which was an actual surprise and a big loss. I’ll do another update tomorrow or day after to catch up on the past couple of weeks but I did say in my stories today that I do actually have a speaking role after all that shall be revealed soon

[lavender-annd-lilac]

Author's Note: Its been like two years and I'm still not over this song.

Dude, exile was my fav song from folklore😍. Like, it was Red-era good. Honestly, delete that track w Ed Sheeran and replace it with exile lol. (Jk… I liked it but if there can only be 2 duets then “the last time” is the superior song)

but instead of putting criminals away, he was in-house counsel for a big pharma firm.

Wow @ this shade but like… I can’t say big pharma isn’t evil haha

He’d lost his home, while someone else had found a haven

He’s really doing the “woe is me” thing here huh

it had taken three whiskeys- neat- before he could even begin to believe it. And then another two to propel him out the doors

Blood alcohol level: u better be calling an Uber to get home

Him. His predecessor.

The Windows XP to his Windows Vista

“Here at the wedding, or here?” Andy probed,

This is such a lawyer ass question lol… like tell me ur a lawyer without telling me ur a lawyer lol

“Clearly not as good as you,” he nodded to her engagement ring;

He needs to check his hydration levels bc this is salty af

“And that was on you anyway,” she continued pointedly,

Yaaass girl, give him that reverse uno card

“Five fucking years and I still don’t get it where it went wrong.”

Like ok… I get “not being over” someone, but if 5years later ur like “ya idk what happened” it’s kind of a red flag. Imagine the Enron dudes being like “huh, wonder what we did wrong” 5 years after the fact lmao

“I don’t get it,” he shook his head, “Its like everyone knew but me,”

I CANT 😭😭😂😂 this is like the person that thinks everyone they meet is an asshole without realizing that means he is actually the asshole 😵‍💫

“Yeah, that’s the problem,” she sniffled, “Everyone knew but you,” her voice broke pitifull

If this was a sitcom/a Rachel and Ross interaction on Friends, they would play the laugh track here

“I was up for a promotion,” he argued firmly, “You know that.”

*Justin Timberlake falsetto* cry me a river 🎶

“I’m sorry, I should have been better. ”

Ugh, I hate when ppl say vague stuff like this lol. It’s like virtue signalling without putting any effort into identifying WHAT u should have been better at.

Like, imagine u design a crappy car that gets recalled and ur just like ummm I should have made it a better car 😂 dude, do u even know what went wrong? Was it the engine? The brakes? The cup holder??

“I want to be better,”

“I can be better

She should have lawyered back and asked him to specify BETTER AT WHAT smh

“I miss you,” he elicited, “I lost everything when you left,”

A lot of “I”s in this conversation huh 😒

“I couldn’t admit it because…..then I'd have to accept that I threw everything away. My second act,”

“My second act” lol @ him lamenting his lost potential 🙄

“But its too late now.”

Kitchen is closed, bitch!!! Get outta here 👋

she promised herself it was the right thing to do- even if deep down, she knew it wasn’t. 

Me: …but even deeper down, it was actually right tho

Haha this was sooo good and deserves more than my immature comments lol but that’s all I got 😅

I actually loved the ending bc I was just reading this other post about Eugene Onegin and (spoilers for a 200 y/o Russian novelized poem) in that story the female love interest does pretty much the same thing - like she acknowledges that she still has feelings for him but she’s also like “but I got my own life now and I shouldn’t have to give it up for u so byeeeee Felicia”

I’m definitely a hypocrite tho bc sometimes I’m like “u need to give him a 7th chance!!!🥺” lmao

For some reason, the worse the person is, the more inclined I feel towards them having a redemption arc haha. Maybe it’s bc there’s more of a visible change in behaviour? Like previous hostage-taking, murderous cannibal is now just a regular cannibal? Good job buddy! Distant ex is now… a repentant but still kind of defensive ex? Meh…. 😅

Exile

Andy Barber x Reader

Author's Note: Its been like two years and I'm still not over this song. Summary: Five years after their break-up, one person's still reeling while the other's moved on. Warnings: Angst. Masterlists

It must have been ages since he’d last seen her; three, four years? Maybe five. It felt like a lifetime ago though, and still, he was stuck. Andy was stuck; stuck in a moment that might have been reduced to chump change for her, stuck in the hurt of their end, stuck in the confusion of their strange reality. How could one person feel like home one minute than become like a stranger the next?

Andy still didn’t understand where, or when, it all went wrong. 

But it obviously had and now Y/n had found someone that could do better by her. From what he’d gathered, his replacement was also an attorney, but instead of putting criminals away, he was in-house counsel for a big pharma firm. Allen? Adam? Aiden? Andy couldn’t quite remember his name, though, he was sure he’d heard it when he’d asked another guest to confirm that he was in fact, seeing Y/n across the room, wrapped up elegantly in crimson satin.

“Oh, yeah. It’s her. She’s here with her finacee….”

Fiancee. 

He couldn’t believe his ears when he’d heard it; Y/n was engaged while he was still trying to pick up the pieces. He’d lost his home, while someone else had found a haven- he wondered if the man knew how lucky he was; back then, Andy hadn’t. The news had been like a sucker punch in the gut and it had taken three whiskeys- neat- before he could even begin to believe it. And then another two to propel him out the doors when she slipped away to the balcony, following her the way he should have all those years ago. 

She’d spotted him from the minute they’d entered, and at the sight of Andy, Y/n had shifted uncomfortably in Aaron’s embrace. He’d asked if she was okay and she’d lied and said yes, but really, Y/n was quaking inside. Figures that the first big event that she and her fiancee attend since getting engaged involved her ex, and not just any ex; Andy Barber, the only one she regretted breaking up with. 

Though, it wasn’t like he’d given her much of a choice; for the most part, Y/n had felt lonelier in that relationship than she’d been while she was single. 

“You okay?” He glanced down at her, easily picking up on her discomfort. Affectionately, he rubbed his hand up and down the small of her back, following her gaze before adding anything to his earlier concern, “Wait,” he knitted his brows, “Is that him?”

Him. His predecessor. In Aaron’s mind, the one that had, by some sort of divine consequence, made their relationship that much more worth it. Because of the carnage Andy had wrecked, Aaron had worked that much harder.

Still, without effort, she loved him. 

“Yeah,” she elicited, “I didn’t think he kept in contact with Tammy and Greg,” Y/n mused absently, glancing down at the dry bubbly half filling her delicate champagne flute. 

“Is this hard for you?” Aaron probed, bending to press a kiss to the top of her head, all while she kept her gaze trained on Andy, who suddenly looked ready to punch through walls- his pain always had a way of getting muddled with fury. She’d wanted him to see a therapist, he’d been adamant that he didn’t need one- or her. “I know its been a while but……” 

But she’d once made a messiah of Andy in her mind; he was on a pedestal and she’d excused so much in the name of protecting what they had , until the grief of it all had become cigarette burns on her soul by their end.

“No,” she shook her head, finally breaking eye contact with Andy to meet Aaron’s hazel gaze, “Its not hard. Why would it be?” She drew in a large gulp of her champagne, all but finishing off the glass. 

He knitted his brows, “Because….nothing. I’m glad you’re good,” he bent a bit lower, while Y/n tipped her chin, meeting his lips. It was a short one, though, she struggled to get through it; suddenly, Andy was all she could think about. When they broke, Y/n glanced back towards where he’d been standing, across the room only to find that the anger in his expression had melted away, making room for something else;

Jealousy? 

Apathy?

If he was anything like the man she’d left behind, it would remain indecipherable; he had a knack for hiding what he was really feeling under stoicism. When they’d first met, she’d called it brooding and thought it gave him the most attractive edge but towards the end of their relationship, it had become one of their most glaring points of contention. 

Still, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like if she’d stayed; would he have ever changed? Or would they have gone to that wedding as strangers living in the same house- as opposed to strangers that stared at each other from across the room. 

“I’m just gonna run to the restroom,” Y/n smiled tightly, finishing off the remainder of her champagne, handing her glass over to Aaron before slipping away. She didn’t know why she excused herself or lied about it, she actually had no intention of going to the restroom, nor did she think that it was wise to be alone with her own thoughts, not when they’d been run amuck with memories that were as sharp as broken glass……and others that were as delicate as daisies. Yet, despite that, as her fiancee took her empty glass, Y/n bent her head and crossed the large room, only glancing backwards to ensure that he’d turned to chat with someone else before heading for the balcony doors instead of the hall that would lead to the ladies room.

The frigid air hit her face, as well as the skin let exposed by her one shoulder gown, in a rush as a gentle gust of wind stirred the city the minute Y/n stepped onto the balcony, shutting the door behind herself. Inhaling deeply, she took a few quick steps towards the railing, only stopping when she could grab the cold wrought iron in her hands. 

She shouldn’t have gone to that wedding, it wasn't enough to think he'd stopped hanging out with their friends. 

She shouldn’t be giving that much consideration to a man who hadn’t appreciated her worth. 

She shouldn’t-

“Hey,” the sound of an all too familiar voice was enough to make her breath audibly catch in her throat. Instead of turning around, Y/n clutched the railing tighter and squeezed her eyes shut; maybe if she pretended he wasn’t there, he’d go away. 

Maybe she didn’t want him to go away. 

Sucking in a sharp breath, Y/n whipped her head around, taking a moment to drink in Andy, illuminated only by dim city lights and the traces of intimate lighting that seeped out of the door, opened just a sliver. He looked like a dream; dressed to the nines in a tailored tux and when he absently smoothed his hand over the lapel of his coat, she caught a glimpse of cuff links she’d gifted him on his wrists- diamond encrusted horseshoes, for good luck. “Hi,” she breathed, shoulders falling, as if she’d just defeated herself. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Here at the wedding, or here?” Andy probed, finally shutting the door in favor of stepping closer. 

Y/n shrugged; the correct answer might have been ‘both’, but saying it felt wrong somehow, so she didn’t. “How have you been?” 

Andy licked his lips, “Clearly not as good as you,” he nodded to her engagement ring; a stunning trilogy of diamonds set in delicate, twin sapphire encrusted bands. Scoffing, Y/n rolled her eyes; of course one of the first things he’d say to her after five years was a snarky swipe about her moving on. “Sorry,” he mumbled, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’ve been um….” He raked his short nails through his beard, and as she saw him do it, Y/n longed to do the same- she used to love the roughness of his scruff under the softness of her palms. “I guess I’ve been better,” he huffed a lonesome, dry chuckle. 

Frowning, Y/n reached out to grasp his bicep, and while she knew the gesture might have been a tad too intimate, she couldn’t help but look at him and feel like he needed comfort; broken and tired. “What’s wrong?”

He shook one shoulder and threw a glance at her hand on his arm and relented, “You’re gone.”

Y/n sighed again, dropping her hand and taking a step back, “You can’t-”

“I know,” Andy hung his head. 

“And that was on you anyway,” she continued pointedly, the twinge of heartbreak evident in her tone. She hated thinking about it; the moment that she’d come to terms with the fact that Andy was never going to change and being in a relationship with him meant always being kept at an arm’s length. 

“I know,” he threaded his hand through his hair while stuffing his other hand into the pocket of his black slacks, “God,” he hissed, suddenly, driving his side of his fist against the top of the railing, “But I don’t fucking know. We were good, Y/n.”

She shook her head, “Don’t do this Andy,” Y/n reasoned, adding with emphasis, “We’ve done this before,” the whole song and dance; her explaining why she needed to leave and him arguing that he’d thought they were fine. “And its been five years,” she licked her lips, “You’ve had too much to drink and-”

“Its been five years,” he shook his head, “Five fucking years and I still don’t get it where it went wrong. Five years and I  can’t get over you- you were everything, Y/n.”

She scoffed, casting her gaze towards the darkened distance, only illuminated by little yellow and white dots peppered in buildings, “You kept saying that-”

“Because its true,” he promised earnestly, “You were all that I had, you mean everything to me, and you left like it was all nothing.”

“I left because you started acting like were nothing! I was always the last thing on your mind,” exhaling heavily, Y/n shook her head, “You never talked to me-”

“Oh, come on,” Andy scoffed, “We talked-”

“Not about anything that mattered,” Y/n snapped, “You kept everything all…..bottled in. I felt like…..like I was looking at you through a window or something; I never knew what was going on with work, what you were feeling.”

Andy scrubbed his hand over his beard again, shaking his head, “You could have asked.”

“I did,” she stressed, moistening her lips, “But talking to you was like talking to a fucking brick wall,” he glanced away and Y/n could see him resisting fact; refusing to believe that he could have a hand in her leaving,

In their end.

“I don’t get it,” he shook his head, “Its like everyone knew but me,” he slumped his shoulders, and even in the dimness she could see his deep frown.

“Yeah, that’s the problem,” she sniffled, “Everyone knew but you,” her voice broke pitifully, “We’d been falling apart for months; all of our friends could see it, my parents- everyone. And you were just….” Y/n shrugged, “It was like you weren’t even there.”

Or maybe, it was like she wasn’t there. 

“Do you know what that felt like?" Her shoulders slumped and she gestured absently with her hands, "You’d come home and barely say anything. We’d have dinner together and you’d work right through it- wouldn’t even notice if I got up,” she sighed, “When we went out, you’d spend half the time answering emails- or doing literally anything else. God," Y/n scoffed, "I honestly started to think that you thought the weather was more interesting than I was,” she chuckled dryly, “I don’t know if you were lazy or just comfortable, but it hurt like hell.”

“I was up for a promotion,” he argued firmly, “You know that.”

“Yeah, well that doesn’t mean I stopped existing," her tone was firm, despite the pain weighing it down, "I’m not a toy, you can’t just put me away when you don't have time to play,” knitting her brows furiously, Y/n folded her arms.

“That wasn’t how I meant it-”

“Well that’s how it felt,” she countered evenly.

Andy didn’t speak for a while and Y/n suspected that it was because he didn’t really have a way to defend himself that time. The silence must have persisted for at least five or six minutes, until he said softly, “I’m sorry, I should have been better. ”

Still angry, Y/n scoffed and swiped at her eyes, “Yeah, you should have,” so they could have stayed together, because as much as she hated to admit it, she still thought of him. 

“I want to be better,” hesitantly, Andy reached out for her hand, and despite knowing that it wasn’t entirely appropriate, she let him have it. “I can be better, I know it. You know it,” he professed earnestly. Andy lifted her hand between them, and spared a moment to glance down at her ring, before stepping closer. She knew she should have stepped back, or even just pulled away. But she didn’t, instead, when he bent his head a little, Y/n tipped her chin and tried to meet his eyes.

“Andy…..” She rasped when his lips had gravitated so close to hers that she could almost taste the liquor on them. 

He brought his free hand up to her face, touching her jaw in a backhanded caress and, unwittingly, Y/n leaned into his touch. “I miss you,” he elicited, “I lost everything when you left,” his nose was touching hers and Y/n’s breathing was heavy in anticipation of what was to come. 

Shutting her eyes tightly, she felt a warm trickle seep from her tangled lashes; every memory she’d made with him flitted through her mind like a film on a projector. Every date, every kiss, every ‘I love you’. They’d had so many good times, and in that moment, standing so close to him, the bad ones seemed muted. “Don’t do this,” she pleaded weakly, knowing that there wasn’t enough will in her veins to tug her away from him, “Please.”

Y/n wanted to kiss him. She missed him too. 

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” he choked out, tightening his grip on her hand a moment before interlocking their fingers, “Do you think about me?” There was an urgency in the question, one that almost hurt her to hear. 

“Of course I do,” she admitted, breath hitching, “But you hurt me.”

“I didn’t mean to. I promise, I would never want to hurt you,” his thumb shifted to swipe her slow tears away and Andy sniffled softly, “If I could do it all again….” He didn’t need to finish for her to know where he was going; she’d only thought the same thing for the past five years.

“But you can’t,” her voice was thick with emotion as the realization dawned upon her; he was five years too late. She had a fiancee, her life had gone on after she’d walked out of that door and it wasn’t fair to Aaron, the man who never let her question his affections, to stand there with Andy like that. A strained sob broke from her lips as Y/n finally stumbled backwards, pulling her hand away from his so she could point weakly, “You can’t just apologize and expect everything to change.” Aaron was kind and sweet, he listened and let her in. They were solid,  he was safe- he didn’t deserve her betrayal. 

Maybe if they'd seen each other again before she’d gotten engaged. Maybe if he’d reached out after she’d left.

Maybe if he’d actually cared instead of throwing his hands up in defeat as she walked to her car.

“I should go back inside,” her low tone was husky and Y/n struggled to come by the words, “It was….it was good seeing you Andy,” swallowing thickly, Y/n turned away, headed back towards the doors. 

“You want the truth? You wanna know how I really am? You wanna know how I fucking feel?” Andy began desperately as she closed her hand in on the knob, “Bad. I feel bad, I’ve been bad; I’ve feel like shit everyday because….because I pushed away the one person that actually gave a damn about me. And I’ve known it for a damn long time but I couldn’t admit it, not even just now. I couldn’t admit it because…..” His voice broke, “I couldn’t admit it because…..then I'd have to accept that I threw everything away. My second act, " he gestured widely, outstretching his arms before dropping them heavily at his side, "The first person that took a chance on me after my life went to shit.” He paused for a minute, and Y/n couldn’t bare to look at him knowing there’d been pain written all over his face, “All those people in there, all of them- they only give a shit about me because of you. I couldn’t do that on my own; get myself together, move on, make friends.”

When she’d met him, Andy had practically been a shell; caught in a work/home cycle with not even a trace of a social life. He was still reeling from losing Laurie and Jacob and it had taken months- almost a year- of work on her end for him to even entertain her offer to grab lunch together. She used to joke that she’d wore him down while Andy adamantly argued that he’d only refused for so long because he’d thought she was only asking him out on a pity date. 

“I get that I’m not your problem anymore,” he added in a moment of tense silence, “But-”

“You were never a problem,” Y/n countered without turning around. Turning the knob, she tugged the door open, “But its too late now.”

Too late for apologies, too late for him to decide to work on himself. 

Too late for her to turn back. 

Clenching her jaw, Y/n headed back into the main room, desperately trying to keep it together. Like it had the first time, leaving Andy broke her heart, but like she had the first time, she promised herself it was the right thing to do- even if deep down, she knew it wasn’t. 

[wooahaes]

under the sun [day 2.]

pairing: non-idol!svt x gn!reader

prompt: darl+ing inspired fic.

word count: 8.2k~

warnings: food mentions. skinship (straight up cuddling + hand holding + seungcheol gives u a lil (completely platonic) kiss on the head). mentions of hunting animals for food. fire mention (campfire). some italicized lyrics from jihoon singing.

daisy’s notes: ahem. men! also sorry for every fic where i push strawberries into. maybe they shouldn’t be the best fruit if they didn’t want me to project my love of them into my writing.

summary:  It all starts when you wake up in a field without a name or any memories  to define yourself with. When thirteen men take you in as one of their  own, and slowly you begin to wonder what exactly is going on within this  world... and between you and one of them? 

< day 1 || masterlist || day 3 >

When Seungcheol told you that he had places he wanted for you to see, you realized shortly after that he didn’t know how far Chan had gone with his own tour. But he’d asked Joshua to show you around outside of the church, and the guy seemed happy enough to take you under his wing that you decided against voicing the fact aloud. Besides... It did mean less work for you while you were still getting adjusted to everything, including the memory loss.

The moment Joshua took your hand, though, you realized just how touchy everyone there is. His hand was warm, calloused fingers (that of a guitarist, you thought to yourself) pressing into your skin as he guided you out of the church and off toward the east.

He’d already started talking about the river nearby and how it wasn’t too deep in certain parts, but they could still fish in it. Fishing was easier than trying to grab a fish with your bare hands. Trust him, he’d watched someone try it out of frustration. It’s only funny the first few times before it became sad. He pointed other things out for you, though, on that walk down the hill: trees where he knew birds nested (to be left alone--he liked to listen to the birds sing and didn’t want anyone to scare them off). Where he knew he’d seen rabbits a few times in the past, and he told you that if you stayed slow and quiet enough that you’d maybe see them for yourself. There was something beautiful about nature that he almost hated the fact they’d hunt for meat sometimes. It was a necessity, sure, but sometimes he wanted to just sit and watch the world pass by for a while.

“I’m sure Chan mentioned the lake that’s down there,” Joshua pointed off towards it. “Cheol wants me to take you there just so you know where it is.”

You, honestly, had no idea how true it was. If it was just a straight shot down, then wouldn’t that be enough guidance? But you didn’t question Joshua, walking close to him by the riverside. He said nothing, letting a comfortable silence fall between you as the two of you listened to the river and the birds and the breeze. It was nice. You didn’t feel a pressure to talk about things you couldn’t remember about yourself, or to prod him for details.

True to Chan’s words, the lake really was beautiful. With no pollution to cloud it, you could see far down inside it and the life it held. Joshua stood behind you on the dock there, looking around casually enough. Almost as though he expected something else to be there--but if he did, he didn’t tell you and you weren’t going to pry. After a few minutes rest, Joshua told you to come along--that the hour’s walk back would be tiring enough and the two of you could rest by the river.

“Do you like it here so far?” He asked at one point, maybe around the halfway point when you really thought about it. “I’m sure you know you don’t have to stay if you don’t want, but if there’s anything we can do, just let us know.”

“Why do some of you talk like I’ve already decided to stay?”

Joshua continued a step ahead of you, not looking back. “I think they’re really hoping you will.”

“It’s not annoying to have another person?”

He shook his head. “The company’s genuinely nice to have. I think we all want you to stay, but... Cheol wouldn’t force you. But if you do decide you want to leave... Just know you’ll always have a place here if you need it.”

That was... nice, to be honest. It was good to know that if you decided you didn’t want to stay that they wouldn’t turn you away again in the future. Truthfully, you didn’t know what you wanted yet. It was nice being there with them, sure, but what about the rest of the world? What if there were other people somewhere out there, farther than they’d checked? The thought stayed with you for the rest of the walk back, until you could see the walls surrounding the church. Joshua as he guided you over to where some shady trees overlooked the river.

“So that was the lake,” he said. “It’s really nice in summer, you know. If you like swimming, you should come with us next time we go.”

He let go of you in favor of sitting right at the edge where the shadows ended, enough that he could see the sky without being blinded by the sun. Joshua looked up at you, gently patting the spot next to him for you to join him. When you did, he finally leaned back, looking up at the clear blue sky overhead.

After a moment, you decided to join him, slowly lying back next to him.

“I think Chan’s glad you’re here,” he mused aloud. “Hansol, too. But especially Chan. I don’t think he hated being new, but I think he’s glad it’s not him anymore.”

You shut your eyes with a hum of acknowledgement, and just listened to the sound of running water. The slow, steady sounds of Joshua breathing next to you.

His fingers grazed against yours for just a moment, enough to let you know he was still right there. “I hope you don’t take it personally the way some people are treating you,” he said, and you had to wonder if Jeonghan had told him. “Just give them some time to warm up to you.”

“Joshua?” You said after a moment, opening your eyes. “Do you really not remember anything but your name?”

He was quiet for a while. “Is that really what they told you?” He said. “That we don’t remember anything at all?”

“Yes?”

“Then... I think they were trying to spare your feelings,” he said. “I mean. A lot of us have been here for over a year. We remembered little things. I mean, not a lot, but... Sometimes I think I dream about my parents. I can’t remember their faces,” his voice wavered there, “but I’ll remember them. The sound of my mom’s voice.” His fingers brushed against your hand again, and you ended up taking his hand in your own. “But I remember going on bike rides by the river where I lived. And...” He pulled his hand away, resting it on his stomach. “That’s it. Just little things like that, I think.”

You turned your head to face him, watching the distant way he continued to gaze up at the sky. “You think?”

Joshua let out a quiet mmh in response, staring up a few moments longer. Eventually he turned, those pretty doe eyes meeting your gaze as he smiled at you. “What about you?” He said. “I’m sure there’s something in that pretty head,” he turned onto his side. “Anything come up yet?”

Had you? Remembering was... weird. In theory, it should be easy to remember going out for ice cream with someone and the taste even if the details became fuzzy like the color spoon you used. Yet when you tried to remember your hometown, the house you grew up in, the classroom you spent too many exhausted hours in learning math.. all of it was just a blur. A concept that you knew had to have existed in your life at some point, but blank and white like a primed canvas without a single pencil line to guide you. Yet when you thought back to the day before, there had been familiarity in Jeonghan bringing you fruit.

“I remember...” You wracked your brain, almost as if you could reel in a memory if you just reached far enough for it. The sweetness of a strawberry lingered on your tongue in memory, the sound of a plate being set down next to you onto a hard surface--a desk, maybe--enough to tug on that line. “Strawberries.”

Joshua perked up a little. “Strawberries?”

“Yeah,” you said. You could practically feel something coming back to you, just barely underneath your fingertips and at the tip of your tongue. “I remember having strawberries. I think... someone used to cut them up for me when I was a kid. Strawberries... and peaches, I think. And apples, too.”

“Like your parents?” Joshua asked quietly. “Or a sibling?”

That little hope in your chest seemed to dwindle down. “I don’t remember.”

“That’s okay,” he said. “Most people remember their name before they remember anything about their lives.” Joshua reached for your hand, wrapping both of his around it. “This is a step, okay? It’s a bigger one than any of us expected this soon. Sometimes it helps to remember little things like that.” He paused for a moment, running his thumb along your knuckles. “Seungkwan always seemed drawn to oranges before he remembered his name. He thinks that his home had them now, even if he can’t fully remember.”

That was reassuring, to be honest. It felt weird remembering something so small before your name. Joshua slowly unwrapped his hands from yours and laid back into the grass. He said nothing else, waiting to see what you would do first. When you laid back next to him, he just smiled and went back to marveling at the few wispy clouds in the sky. You decided to say nothing as well. The two of you just laid there underneath the shade, watching the world pass by for a while. The bubbling brook, the sound of wind shaking the leaves, the distant call of someone to another that was too far to make out clearly. Loud enough you could hear them, though, voices lost to the wind.

The sound of the ground crunching underneath someone--multiple someones--was enough to bring you back to reality and out of that tiny little moment of just existing beside another person. You looked up to see Jun with Mingyu and Minghao, carrying a basket between them and makeshift fishing rods.

Minghao looked to Joshua. “Stop slacking off with them,” he chided gently with a pout. Joshua chuckled from beside you, and you realized how it didn’t feel malicious--more like playful banter between friends.

“We were just resting,” Joshua said as he got up. He extended a hand to you, helping you to your feet. “Is this what we’re having for dinner?”

Mingyu smiled. “Part of it,” he said. “Cheol has plans.”

“Sounds like fun,” Joshua chuckled. He then took your hand, “C’mon. There’s another place Chan actually said he didn’t get to show you.”

Joshua pointed out a few more things to you on the walk back up. There were a few paths carved out of the fields that merely lead to more clearings, some that were actually made by them and the others just being spaces where the grass didn’t seem to grow nearly as high. He told you vaguely of the city far off, saying that maybe Seungcheol would take you with him for a trip one day if they needed you there. Weird things happened, and the city was purely their backup. Some miracles had to be chased, after all. But he guided you back into the church in the end, and you noticed how much cleaner it’d become over the past day--not just from the small party’s effort the day before, but it looked as though someone had come in and tidied up the rest of the room better. The curtains were drawn back to let in the natural light, some of the chairs had been actually stacked away properly with the stuffed toys sitting along the wall in a neat little line. You had to wonder who was on cleaning duty that day if they took so much care in a little thing like that. Joshua pushed back one of the curtains, letting you walk through before he continued to guide you back to that ladder Chan hadn’t guided you up the day before. He led the way up, telling you to not look down after a quip that he hoped you were good with heights. He crouched at the entrance, waiting for you to come up, a hand at your back to support you in case you happened to lose your balance.

The room itself was bathed in shades of yellow, purely because of that stained glass sun. There was a bed in front of it, thick curtains hung from the ceiling that would probably extinguish every yellow ray if they were drawn. There was a guitar in one corner that was clean save for a few smudges of paint on it. Inside an open-faced cupboard with its own few stains of bright paint that stood out against the shined, dark brown wood were an assortment of games and cards and other silly childish things that anyone could find entertainment with. A soccer ball had been abandoned somewhere, likely brought up as a way of keeping it somewhere out of the way until people wanted to play.

“If you ever can’t find someone, they’ll probably be up here,” Joshua said as he made his way over to that bed. He sat down, watching you with an amused glimmer in his eyes. “It’s kind of where we all hang out sometimes when we wanna do something fun.” He nodded over toward the assortment of games. “Sometimes they can get a little old, but we make do.”

You walked over to crouch down, reading off the names quietly to yourself. You could hear a squeak of the bed, and you looked back to see that Joshua had flopped back onto it.

“It’s also a really good place to take a nap,” he called out to you after a moment. “Everyone will vouch for that.”

“Really?”

“Mmhm,” he chuckled a second later. “Which means I’m going to take advantage of a day off.” He propped himself up by his elbows just to look back at you. “If you want to join me, you can. I’ve been told I’m a very good cuddle partner.”

You snorted in response. “I think I’m fine,” you said. “Thanks, Joshua,” you started back toward the ladder. “I think I’m gonna learn my way around.”

He gave you a thumbs up and a request to stay out of trouble before he fell back against the mattress, slowly shifting to get more comfortable as you started to leave. You descended the ladder while making a conscious effort to not stare directly down unless you wanted your heart to leap back into your throat, and you made your way back into the main living space. Walking that path alone felt weird, but you pushed past it. You only had guides because you were new, and you needed to learn if you were going to stay. The main room was fine, but there were the other rooms that Chan had merely told you about with a passing glance to identify them. The storage room, a few side rooms where other people’s personal spaces were...

But you slowed to a stop when you heard the sound of a voice carrying down a hallway, prettier than anything you thought you’d heard before. You followed the sound instead, coming to a space where Jihoon had been sitting across the room. His notebook was open and another guitar sat in his lap, this one covered in stickers and paint. He seemed lost in what he was doing, Seungkwan sitting criss-cross on the floor nearby as he listened and nodded along. You just stood there, lingering in the doorway as you listened to him sing.

“I can smile because we’re together... I can cry because it’s you...”

A hand landed at your back, gentle enough to alert you to someone’s presence. When you looked up, Hansol stood there for just a moment before he started past you. Then he slowed to a stop as he turned back to face you, nodding to come on with him.

“They won’t bite,” he told you, despite the way Jihoon had stopped singing when he noticed you’d been watching. “It’s okay, Mouse.”

Seungkwan had looked up, and waved for you to come over to sit with him. Yet you noticed the way Jihoon had hesitated, going to close his notebook and to potentially leave, a quiet apology on his lips about something--being too loud, you thought, but you didn’t catch it.

Seungkwan looked up with a pout. “You shouldn’t stop because they’re here,” he said. “How do you think that makes them feel?”

Jihoon stopped what he was doing as the words sank in, and then he looked back to you. With a small apology and a bow, he opened his notebook back up while Hansol took his seat next to Seungkwan--leaving the perfect amount of space for you to come and sit between them. Just to add a little more pressure for you to join, Seungkwan patted the spot excitedly, which was enough for you to make your way over and sink down between the two.

“Jihoon’s really talented,” Seungkwan whispered to you while Jihoon flipped through a few pages.

“Legit one of the most talented dudes here,” Hansol said, despite the way Jihoon’s face had started to turn bright red in stark contrast to his paler skin tone. “I don’t think he’s written a bad song.”

Jihoon stopped on a page, reading it over. “This is a work in progress,” he said as he looked back to the three of you, “But--”

“Please play it,” Seungkwan said. “We’ll love it.”

Jihoon’s gaze landed on you again, and you almost offered to leave if it made him more comfortable. But Hansol curled an arm around you, leaving you to only give Jihoon what you hoped was a reassuring smile. Jihoon nodded to himself, strumming a few strings before looking back down at the makeshift sheet music he’d drawn for himself.

When Jihoon began to sing--just vocalizing in a series of pretty notes--you felt this sense of clarity hit you. His voice was pretty, sure, but when he started to sing, the lyrics felt like their own piece of art. He stumbled at one point, flipping a page and skipping onward to something that felt more polished. Like he’d spent more time refining it until it was perfect, even if he couldn’t come up with the lyrics leading into it. You barely noticed the way Seungkwan laid his head on your shoulder, or the way Hansol’s arm curled a little more securely around you as the three of you grew cozy together.

“It’s okay, your world is fine. You are who you are. It’s precious and precious--stay here with me....”

Jihoon seemed closer to you in that moment than he did the day before, even though the fact that he made you tea to help with the headaches was an outright sign that he cared at least a little for your well-being. His voice seemed to put all of you at ease as you grew a little more comfortable with each other, a little more at home. Hansol was warm next to you, and Seungkwan slid a little closer to wrap his arms around one of yours. Just to be close to you in this intimate moment of Jihoon baring his soul through music. The next hour (maybe a little more, maybe a little less--you hadn’t looked for a clock) had been filled with songs, all unfinished by Jihoon, that still felt like masterpieces in their own right.

You’d heard footsteps, though, and turned to see Mingyu waving at you. “Mouse,” he called out, enough to stop the music for a moment. “Can you come help?”

He didn’t say what, but you agreed easily enough. Untangling yourself from Seungkwan and Hansol was easy enough, even if Seungkwan had kept his hand in yours for a moment longer--whining that Mingyu could find someone else because they were all listening to Jihoon sing. You apologized to them before thanking Jihoon for letting you listen, and turned to quickly head to Mingyu. He walked ahead of you, asking idly if you liked Jihoon’s voice.

“He’s beautiful,” you said without thinking. “His voice, I mean. And the lyrics--”

“No, you’re right,” he chuckled. “Jihoon’s beautiful. You should tell him that sometime. He’ll probably turn red, but he’ll appreciate it.”

Jun had been chopping vegetables at one of the countertops, humming to himself one of the half-finished songs from Jihoon. There was plenty covering those countertops--freshly cleaned fish, other fruit and vegetables that’d been already cleaned of dirt--and Mingyu nudged for you to continue toward Jun.

“Just help Jun,” he had told you, and you agreed easily enough. You felt a little bad for slacking off with Joshua earlier and then getting lured into Jihoon’s voice like a sailor to their death.

(Although, truthfully, if Jihoon was a siren, you’d gladly drown to hear such a pretty sound again.)

Jun reached down to a basket of sweet potatoes that’d been resting near his feet, and set it down next to the sink. He told you to start washing them completely, just to get them completely scrubbed clean and ready to be roasted. Seungcheol was outside with Wonwoo starting a fire, and they’d bring everything out later when they were ready to cook.

“Have you ever cooked before?” Jun asked as you turned on the water.

The process felt... familiar. You couldn’t remember cooking, sure, but it felt natural to you. “I think so,” you said.

“Good,” Mingyu said. “It’s always good to have another person who can cook, especially when we’re feeding fourteen.”

You could only imagine how annoying it could be, but the fact he already counted you as one of them didn’t go unnoticed by you. “Is it really good that I’m here?”

Neither answered you, and you noticed the concerned glance that they gave one another. There was a certain implication to your words, and you scrambled to explain yourself, “I just--Did you guys... y’know, want another person around?”

“It doesn’t matter what any of us wanted,” was what Jun said after a moment. “You’re here now. And you’re one of us... if you choose to stay, that is.”

Mingyu nodded happily. “Right! Cheol told you we’d take care of you. It’s okay if you feel out of place,” he turned back to the fish in front of him. “I felt weird when I first came here, too.”

So did everyone, apparently. “Was it bad?”

“They were accepting,” he said. “But... I’m clumsy sometimes,” he admitted sheepishly. “I accidentally broke a lot of things at first. There’s a reason most breakable things are pushed out of the way.”

“He broke a lot of things,” Jun reiterates to you, still chopping away. “You’ll learn.”

Mingyu’s smile was enough to tell you all you needed to know what Jun meant by that. He casually changed the topic, telling you that a fork was in one of the drawers near you and that Jun could grab the aluminum foil off one of the taller shelves for you since his hands were cleaner. True enough, Jun set it down next to you after a moment, making small talk with you as best as they could. For the most part, it was just them telling you about life there--about things that happened when both of them first came. You just listened to them for the next few hours as you continued to carefully scrub potatoes completely clean of dirt before poking holes into them and wrapping them up snug. No one had been in any kind of a hurry, thankfully, since dinner was still hours away.

Mingyu looked over to check on your progress, noticing you’d almost finished off the basket. “Can you go ahead and  take those up? I’ll be right there.”

With the final sweet potato carefully wrapped just as snug as the rest, you nodded and picked up the heavy basket. You knew that one of them would probably have carried it easier than you did, but you were happy to help where you could and made your way through the hallway, careful not to push your limits. It was easy enough to set the basket up when you reached the opening, climbing up before picking it back up and continuing back inside. You find Seungcheol and Wonwoo easily enough around a fire that’d just been started, wood stacked up with enough room for the potatoes inside. Both greeted you casually enough as you brought the basket over, Seungcheol turning his attention back to prodding things as best as he could without getting burnt while Wonwoo stayed crouched beside him.

“Mouse,” Wonwoo called out, voice low and soft, “can you remember if you’ve ever been camping?”

“I can’t,” you said after a moment. You went to sit next to Wonwoo, only for him to ward you back from getting too close.

The basket sat in front of you, and Seungcheol reached out a hand. Wonwoo caught on before you did and he started to hand the potatoes over to him, Seungcheol placing them near enough that they wouldn’t be directly in the fire--but close enough that they’d likely spend the next full hour cooking all the way through.

“Joshua told me that you remembered something about fruit?” Seungcheol looked back. “It’s okay. Most of us don’t remember that much about our lives.”

“What do you remember, then?” You draped your arms over your knees.

He went quiet for a moment, pensively thinking back on it. He looked over to Wonwoo, calling his name to prompt him to answer. It was probably his way of buying time for himself.

Wonwoo nodded, though, musing on the question himself. “My little brother,” he said. “I can’t remember his name or his face, but... I remember him existing.” He paused. “And... I can remember crying at movies. And cats.” He looked back toward the fire for a moment, the light reflecting in his glasses. “I remember feeding stray cats.”

Seungcheol sat there for a moment, sinking down to where he was sitting properly on the ground. “I think I used to do martial arts.” He licked his lips, mulling over it for a moment longer. “And I remember going for trips with my family over the summer. And...” Another moment, just to think. “Cherry ice cream.”

It was little things, ultimately. Even if they couldn’t put a name to a face, they remembered people. Things they used to do in whatever life came before this one.

“Mouse?” Seungcheol said, and you looked up from where you’d gotten lost in thought while watching them make sure the fire was properly lit. “Can you go tell everyone we’re ready? Dinner won’t be ready for awhile, but it’s nice to have time together.”

You agreed to it without hesitating. You stood up, dusting yourself off, and then took off to go find people--starting with the people inside the main living space. You didn’t get far before you found Minghao looking around the storage area--in the area where the blankets and spare clothing were.

“Come here,” he called out when he saw you, digging through a basket. When you grew closer, he pulled the sweater draped over his shoulder off of it and held it up to you. It was blue and pink and orange and honestly looked like it’d fit you perfectly. He let out a sigh of relief. “No one else looked for something for you, so I did.”

You felt your face grow warmer at that, and Minghao pushed the sweater into your arms before turning his attention back to his search. More clothing ended up in your arms--pale greens and oranges and blues--as Minghao put things aside. A few pairs of soft pants to sleep in, of white pants and shades of pale brown, end up atop them. He told you to try them on later when you had the chance, but he had a good feeling that they’d fit perfectly.

“It’s not fair to leave you in those clothes,” he said. “Showing you around is important, but...” He took the pile from your arms. “If you’re going to stay, you deserve to feel at home, too.”

You blinked a few times at the thoughtfulness in that. “I thought you didn’t...���

“Like you?” Was it that obvious? Minghao shook his head. “It’s just... hard getting used to another new person. We thought Chan was going to be the last.” He paused, “It was just a feeling we had.” He paused, “You’re here now. You’re one of us if you stay. I’m sorry that I made you feel unwanted.”

“You didn’t--”

“I did, and I’m sorry.” He waved you off as he started to move past you, saying something about how he’d put the clothes with your things.

You called out his name, earning a hum of acknowledgement as he looked back at you. “Cheol said everything’s ready outside.”

He nodded. “I’ll be out in a bit. You should wash up and get changed into something clean sometime.”

Minghao left you standing there, and you returned to your mission at hand. You found Jihoon wandering alone, and when you told him, he merely gave you an “okay” and a thanks for telling him. You passed Seungcheol’s message onto Jeonghan and Joshua, who you’d found sitting together talking about something they shut up about when you came in. Your job was easier when you found Hansol, Seungkwan, and Chan together.

Seungkwan called out to you as you started to leave. “Soonyoung and Seokmin said they were going to play cards,” he pointed up, “Just so you know.”

You thanked him and took off running to go find them. You scaled the ladder, finding Seokmin and Soonyoung sitting across from one another on the bed in front of the sun-window. They heard the sound of someone coming up, and Soonyoung’s eyes glimmered the moment he saw it was you.

“Mouse!” He said, and he motioned you over. “We were about to start a new game.” He started to shift over, making space for you. “Come play with us.”

“Cheol said--”

He giggled, “We have time for a quick game.”

So you relented, climbing into the space. While you were missing a lot, things like card games felt... a little closer to a memory you did have. Seokmin walked you through the rules casually enough, and they felt familiar. Like when you were cooking earlier: the motions were there, the knowledge hidden in the crevices in your mind, just struggling to be retrieved of then when and where and how you learned all of it.

“You seem like you’ve been busy,” Seokmin commented while Soonyoung was studying his cards. “Are you more comfortable with us?”

Admittedly, you were. “A little.”

“Good,” he smiled. “It’s good to have other people--” He was cut off by Soonyoung slapping down a card. “Soonyoung--”

He just giggled in response. “Should have dealt them better.”

You looked between the two of them. “How long have the two of you been here?”

Soonyoung mentally began to do that math in his head, lowering his cards into his lap as he mulled over the question. “Almost two years,” he said after a moment.

Seokmin merely nodded along. “A little over a year.”

You took in the information. If Soonyoung had been here for almost two years, and Seungcheol had been here longer than that....

... You weren’t going to remember anything anytime soon, were you? Maybe you’d at least get lucky with remembering your name soon enough.

Soonyoung ended up winning that game--again, considering the way he was gloating about his winning streak. Seokmin had already begun gathering the cards to put them away. You went ahead and left the attic first, waiting at the bottom of the ladder to head out with them once they joined you. Everyone else had already gathered by the time you three joined, talking amongst themself. Mingyu happily greeted Seokmin, despite being busy with cooking, and that caused him to part from your side. Soonyoung practically pounced on Jihoon when he saw him, who went wide-eyed for a moment but grew accustomed to it after a moment--even if he was shoving him off while suppressing a smile. You could see smudges of pink paint against his cheek, and you soon realized that was Jeonghan’s doing. He’d been sitting criss-cross on the ground, painting shapes onto Chan’s face. Minghao sat close by, amused by whatever encouragement Hansol had been giving (when you came closer, you realized he was quietly chanting draw a dick, draw a dick while Chan was trying to not crack up). Jeonghan lightly scolded him, smearing yellow across Hansol’s cheek before he went back to finish the little painting of a sun on Chan’s cheek.

Although you tried to slip past unnoticed, you completely failed because Jeonghan cried out a “Mouse!” the moment he saw you. He beckoned you over, and you sank down into the empty space next to Chan. Jeonghan slid his materials over, turning to face you as he gestured for you to lean in.

He rinsed and dried his brushes, dipping his paint into the paint. You tried to stay steady as the brush tickled your skin, Jeonghan starting close to your eye--right in that space between your eye and your temple. Chan leaned forward, watching as Jeonghan worked slower, more patiently to make sure that it looked pretty.

Chan glanced up at Hansol. “Why don’t you tell him to paint a dick on them?”

“It’s funnier when it’s you,” he chuckled. “Also, it’s their second day. They can get dicks drawn on them later.”

The casual way he said it made you nearly snort in laughter. “Remind me to avoid Hansol if he has paint,” you hummed, stilling yourself again as Jeonghan continued to paint your face.

Minghao commented at one point that it looked good, leaving you to wonder what Jeonghan was doing. You caught a glimpse of yellow paint at one point--bright golden, to be exact. Soon enough, he reached over into his box and pulled out a shard of a mirror and held it up. You could see a small sunflower painted near your eye with little green leaves with it, a smudge of bright blue from where his thumb had been pressing into your skin to keep your face steady. You didn’t let him wipe it off--it added to it, in your opinion.

He let you leave then, letting you go socialize with the others. Joshua was sitting on a log with the guitar from the attic in his lap, lightly strumming it as he tuned it. Seungcheol sat with him, Seungkwan sitting in front of his legs while Wonwoo sitting on the ground on the other side of Joshua, a cup in his hand housing something you couldn’t quite see.

“Hello, darling,” Joshua’s pretty cadence made you feel at home. He stood long enough to make room for you to sit between him and Seungcheol. Seungkwan scooted forward enough to let you between him and the log, and you settled in next to Seungcheol. “I see Jeonghan got to you.”

You felt a little sheepish at the way he seemed to admire the flower there. “Is it pretty?”

He smiled. “It is,” he brushed his hair back from his eyes. “Was Hansol trying to convince him to draw a dick on Chan again?”

“From what I heard,” you said. “Does it happen often?”

“He’s not the only one who does it,” Joshua said, testing the strings again. “I swear it’s just a joke. I promise no one’s going to draw a dick on you.”

“Yet,” Wonwoo muttered.

Seungkwan puffed up in your defense. “No one’s going to draw a dick on them at all!” He rolled his eyes. “Aish... You’re all so immature. What’s so funny about drawing a dick on someone?”

Seungcheol reached out to ruffle his hair, laughing softly at the way Seungkwan ducked away after a moment. “Stop talking about dicks,” he said to the entire group, looking to you. “You seem more comfortable, Mouse.”

Seokmin had said it before, and now you were wondering just how different you looked in comparison to yesterday. How terrified had you looked among them? Even after Chan showed you around? You didn’t want to dwell on it too much. It’s not like anyone could blame you for being scared anyway.

“I am,” you told him, finding a little more happiness in the fact. While you didn’t know exactly where you stood with someone like Jihoon, it helped to see how accepting everyone was of you. Although... Jihoon did keep playing earlier. That had to mean something, right?

Joshua asked if anyone had any requests. Despite not remembering everything about his life, he remembered bits and pieces of songs--and he’d learned a few of Jihoon’s too. Songs that Jihoon had told him fit his voice better, apparently. Maybe some of the things Joshua knew were from a life long past, heard online or on the radio at some point. Why did all of that feel so distant? You could remember technology existing, sure, but you’d yet to see a single thing since you woke up here--save for the things essential to cooking comfortably and storing food. You felt unplugged, yet there was no weird sense of withdrawal from it all. No need to remember the people you went to school with, or to find a way to call your family. They were all just blurry faces in the distant past. You assumed that sort of thing would come with old age, but...

There was something feeling about that now. You didn’t have to worry about how you measured up to your peers, to your coworkers. About that wedding someone was having to someone you swore they had just met. About the person already having a second kid despite being barely into their twenties. Maybe it made you judgmental, but you couldn’t understand how people were so put together to get married before twenty-five and to already have two or three kids. Weren’t they lost? Struggling to figure out their place in the world? Why would you make such big decisions so early in life?

Maybe it was just you who was lost. But that didn’t matter now. All of that was in the past.

You leaned into Seungcheol, who wrapped an arm around you as you all listened to Joshua sing. Could everyone there sing? You had to wonder if maybe they were singers in a past life. Jihoon certainly had the talent for it, and so did Joshua. It was soothing to listen to him, his voice sweet like honey and warmer than the sun. Seungcheol ran his thumb up and down your arm in a soothing motion.

It was nice. The day seemed to fly by, to be honest. Mingyu called out soon enough that the food was done and it was time to eat. You listened in silence to the stories they exchanged, either reminiscing or trying to embarrass one another in front of you. It made you feel at home, even when you watched Seungkwan lunge at Jeonghan for playfully recounting an embarrassing moment during his initial days, courtesy of Soonyoung scaring him. It took both Mingyu and Hansol to pull him fully back into his seat near you. Seokmin had handed him a small foil-wrapped bundle of sliced apples topped with cinnamon and sugar and butter to make him fully quiet down, and you just sidled up closer to him to keep him a little more distracted. The way Jun reached for another sweet potato in glee made you giggle, and you almost didn’t notice the way Seungkwan had been looking at you, a slice hanging off of his fork that he offered to you once you met his gaze. You reached for it, only for him to gently push his fork a little closer for you to just pull it off with your teeth--no need to get your fingers sticky.

He smiled, though, and you have to fight back a giggle at how cute he could be when he wasn’t ready to fight someone. Mingyu brought you your own bundle of apples a moment later, ruffling your hair before he settled back into his spot next to Wonwoo.

“It’s weird,” Joshua mused aloud, his guitar back in his lap after the last hour of dinner. “It almost feels like Mouse has been here longer.”

Everyone seemed to agree with that. Even you.

“We’re having a proper meal together,” Seungcheol said. “That brings people together.“

“Mmhm,” Hansol sounded off. “And they’re actually talking to us today.”

Your face heated up at the fact. You had been chattier than you were the day before, hadn’t you? Maybe you just needed a proper sleep to feel right.

The fire crackled as the conversation seemed to slowly die down, Joshua idly strumming his guitar. You half-listened to the quiet talk around you, more preoccupied with enjoying your little bit of dessert while observing your surroundings a little more. There was a pipe sticking out of the ground closer to the walls where you assume the nearby bucket of water had been filled earlier. Maybe that was why they chose to have their little campfire and grilling setup there. The river could have been an option, sure, but the ground was much more flat there. The sun set soon enough, painting everyone in a pretty orange glow before it started to fully disappear beyond the horizon. Seungcheol had been the one to break up the night, telling everyone that they should get some sleep soon after they finished cleaning up. You did your part to help before Mingyu waved you off that he and Wonwoo had everything else handled.

So you stayed behind with Seungcheol, watching him carry the bucket of water. You waved Chan off when he lagged for a moment to wait for you, and he frowned before getting pulled along by Hansol. Seungcheol looked up when you approached him.

“I can do this, Mouse,” he said, reaching up to ruffle your hair. “Don’t worry.”

You nodded, staying crouched nearby. “Cheol...” You watched as he poured water over the fire, reaching for a nearby stick. He prodded through the ashes, looking for any embers that were still glowing. “Is it really okay that I’m here?”

Seungcheol merely nodded once, not looking up from his current job. “I wouldn’t have brought you if I wasn’t sure.” He scraped off pieces of wood, still searching, and he reached for the bucket again when he uncovered those little glowing orange spots. They hissed quietly when he doused them again, finally dying down for good. “Do you want to leave? You seemed happier today.”

“I was.” You paused. “I am.” The ashes had turned black, and Seungcheol reached out to hover his hand over them to ensure that the fire had gone out completely. You waited until he had pulled his hand back, no warmth to be found and his job completed. “I just wanted to make sure.”

He stood up, as did you, and you watched him glance down to his hands to ensure they had no ash on them before he rested a hand on your shoulder. “You’re welcome here as long as you want to be here.” Seungcheol gently tugged you toward him, one arm around you as he began to walk forward. “If you want to leave... You can. But... I really think we’re all that’s left.”

“The world’s big,” you mused aloud.

“It is. But how far can we go on our own?” Seungcheol stopped right at that space between the walls, the church within sight. “Mouse,” he said, voice lower and more serious than his softer tone before. “Do you want to stay?”

Did you? Either you could take a bag and disappear out into the world and possibly never find your way back... or you could stay with people who wanted you there, even if some struggled to show it. People who could keep you warm and fed as long as you did your share of the work. People who cared.

“I do.”

“Then stay,” he said, and Seungcheol leaned forward to press a kiss to the crown of your head. A comforting action that felt safe in itself: gauged carefully by the slow way he did it. “Go get some sleep.”

He didn’t need to tell you twice. The fatigue had already started to set in as you drifted away from Seungcheol, who you could only assume had a few more things he needed to take care of before his work was fully done for the night. As much as you didn’t want to wash the paint from your skin, all of Jeonghan’s work disappearing far too soon, you were slick with sweat and grime and needed that shower. You gathered some of the softer clothing that Minghao had laid out for you, folding your dirty clothes into a pile and setting them aside. The others had started to get ready for bed, and you bid them goodnight as you started to make it back to your own little nook there.

“Mouse?” Jeonghan said, watching you head up. “Are you sure you want to sleep alone?” He just stood there, voice quiet. “You don’t have to join us, but... it helps sometimes.”

They’d given you your space. You still had it, knowing that they wouldn’t take it from you. You could have told Jeonghan no, but...

“Yeah,” you said. “Let me grab something, okay?”

“If you change your mind, it’s okay,” he told you.

You didn’t. You returned to your little area, leaving your dirty clothes in a separate spot from the rest of it, and took your little mouse from where it’d been tucked under the blankets like a child. Chan had practically lit up when he saw that you came to join them, reaching out for you already.

“You already hog their attention,” Soonyoung said from beside him. “Mouse should come sleep with us,” he giggled, sliding a little closer to Chan. Seungkwan had been on the other side of him, rolling his eyes (yet still smiling) at the whiny tone Soonyoung had taken on. Soonyoung continued to do grabby hands toward you. “Don’t you wanna cuddle with us? Please?”

In everything they ask of you, there was always an implied notion to only do it if you wanted to. It was sweet to know that no one was going to hold anything against you. Despite the way Chan had pouted at you when you made your way to Soonyoung, settling in between him and Seungkwan, you noticed he smiled when you let Soonyoung cuddle close to you. You reached an arm past him, though, inviting Chan to reach up and intertwine his fingers with yours. He squeezed. I’m here, too, was what the action said. We’re here. You’re not alone.

Seungkwan turned onto his side, noticing your little plush mouse. “Cute,” he murmured, nuzzling a little closer to you. Not enough to squish your tiny plush companion, but enough that he could press his forehead against your shoulder if he leaned just a little closer.

The lights were dimmed soon enough, and you heard the way Joshua commented that you’d already been brought into their cuddle pile. Faster than some of them, sure, but you could hear Jeonghan say that some of them had joined in from day one to have that physical comfort of knowing they weren’t alone. When you fell asleep between Soonyoung and Seungkwan, you felt safe and secure with the scene of vanilla wafting around you.

Seungcheol stopped when he came into the room after his own shower, realizing one more body than he expected. But he smiled to himself, happy to see the way you nuzzled a little closer to Seungkwan in your sleep with that pretty, happy smile that he’d loved seeing on you all day. He noticed the little mouse tucked between the two of you, button eyes staring back at him. He glanced over to where Joshua and Jeonghan were curled up with Jun in between them for once. Wonwoo had been on the other side of Seungkwan, and Seungcheol looked to see that Mingyu had left enough space for him, with Minghao back to back with him on his other side, if he wanted it. Jihoon had been nestled between Hansol and Seokmin (and Seungcheol noticed that Seokmin had cuddled close to him, apparently taking full advantage of being one of the few people who could initiate skinship with him.

Seungcheol curled up in that empty space beside Mingyu, gently telling him to go back to sleep when he stirred and glanced up at the slight disturbance. He watched the younger settle back into his spot, content that Seungcheol had finally joined them, and then he looked back up to the cave ceiling. They’d painted little white stars among the blue backdrop a while back, shortly after Soonyoung arrived. He said the color of the cave made it harder to sleep when he looked up at it at night. Had you noticed before you went to sleep? Seungcheol looked back to where you were peacefully sleeping. Maybe you did. Maybe one night all of them could go sleep under the stars for once. It’d been a while since he’d done that, after all.

Even though they all barely knew you, Seungcheol could tell that they were already beginning to accept and love you as one of their own. He did, too.

taglist: @shiningstar-byulxx @twogyuu  @maijunejuly  @strawberri-uyu @junhui-recs  @bbmyungho @thedeeppoet @min-tata @silvsie @heeseung-lover686 @lilactangerine @jeonncafe  @bfwonu

[kageyuji]

his teammate has a crush on his s/o

⤷ oikawa, atsumu, akaashi, tsukishima, tanaka, kenma ; [gn!reader] — part 2

tags: jealousy, fluff(?), a few swears, the teammates had to be mischaracterized a bit for the plot, and a little sprinkle of threats as a treat

note: you’re so cute when you reblog <33

━━ OIKAWA

oikawa was always protective of you, though he is terrible at swallowing his pride and will never admit to being jealous

but he couldn’t deny it to himself

not when he saw how mattsun laughed whenever you spoke to makki, how makki always seemed to have his eyes on you

then again he knew how much he could read into things, how whenever an idea got planted in his mind he’d overthink it

so he brushed it off and tried to ignore the bitter feeling he got very time you interacted with the other guy

it wasn’t until he overheard mattsun and makki talking that he realized he was right

“you can’t deny that y/n is cute, mattsun, look at them. probably cuter wearing my t-shirt though, hm?”

when i tell you he froze

he literally stopped, volleyball in hand. it seemed like he was frozen in time, holding his breath and eyes staring at nothing, but seemingly at something that scared him

then he blinked, turning his head to offer makki a confused but hostile look

“come again? i don’t think i heard you right.”

now it’s makki’s turn to freeze

eventually he’ll offer a nervous, apologetic smile and say it was nothing, but he also won’t look oikawa in the eye anymore

oikawa doesn’t walk away then, instead opting to walk over to the two of them

“y/n is my partner. not yours, ok?” “ok!”

oikawa then makes a point to have you wearing either his extra jersey or hoodie around the team, especially around makki

━━ ATSUMU

atsumu is another thats already protective of you, except he doesn’t mind showing it

he’ll deny that he’s doing it, but no one misses the way he puts an arm around you and pulls you close his chest, or the glares he sends the other person

he especially gets worried around other guys that you’re close with. he knows he can’t contol your friends and it’s not like he wants to

but he just wishes you wouldn’t seem to have more fun with them than with your boyfriend

what really bothered him though was the way you and suna seemed to get along — suna had always been the type to tease the people he liked and atsumu hated how he did that to you

he trusted suna though, trusted that even if suna did have feelings for you he wouldn’t do anything about it

atsumu had written off his jealousy once again, though he hated the way his teammate had made you laugh

that was until he heard suna say something like “they’re cute”

atsumu turned around quickly, jaw set and something like betrayal written on his face

“are you talking about y/n?” he says, as though he doesn’t already know the answer

suna doesn’t respond, just turns to atsumu and looks as though he’s trying to find some sort of excuse without actually having to lie

“i can’t control whether the two of you talk, but don’t you dare fucking flirt with them again.”

if you thought he was touchy before, he’s even more so now

he always makes sure that you’re either wearing something of his or that he’s touching you in some way — he’ll hold your hand, hug you, press kisses to the side of your face

━━ AKAASHI

though he hates it, he tends to get insecure

and he’s insecure about literally everything, but he’s especially worried that he’s not good enough for you

so him being jealous on occasion is in the package deal

he hides it well though, usually calming himself down enough by holding your hand or looking at a photo of the two of you

usually he’s good at communicating whenever he gets like that, he’ll tell you later whenever it’s just you and him

but he didn’t really know what to do about the fact that konoha had seemed to be getting more and more flirtatious with you

you were always at his practices and his games, he couldn’t expect you not to talk to konoha so much

besides, it was probably just his insecurities again... right?

he kept telling himself that, at least until bokuto had mentioned it nonchalantly

“what did you just say?”

“uh, the part about konoha liking y/n? or the other part?”

his heart drops, eyes quickly scanning the room to find you and hoping konoha wasn’t talking to you

but of course he was talking to you and cracking some dumb joke that made you laugh

and then suddenly there was akaashi beside you, wrapping his arm around you and staring at konoha with hostility in his eyes

he won’t say anything to konoha in front of you, the last thing he wants is to make you uncomfortable

but the second you’re gone akaashi won’t hesitate to confront him, digging his nails into his palms to keep himself calm

“i don’t control y/n or their friends, but keep in mind that you’re their friend. and i’m their boyfriend. and i get that feelings are uncontrollable but if you flirt with them again i might just feel like hitting you.”

━━ TSUKISHIMA

tsukishima actually wasn’t the type to get jealous a lot. even when guys openly flirted with you, there was a feeling more like pride then jealousy

he only really got jealous when the guy posed an actual threat, and even then he played it off with a cocky smile and pitying look at the guy

but this time it was different

he never got along much with kageyama, so he wasn’t completely sure why the setter had taken to talking to you of all people

hinata was the only person that kageyama usually talked to; it was logical for tsukishima to wonder why kageyama had been starting conversations with you

so he watched the other boy with a careful eye for a while and made sure he wasn’t getting too comfortable around you

it wasn’t until he overheard kageyama and hinata talking that he had confirmation

“kageyama, you don’t have feelings for y/n, do you?”

“well... i don’t know, i mean they’re cute and they’re really nice, don’t you think? maybe if tsukishima w-”

without missing a beat, tsukishima turns and smiles at the setter, “yeah i agree. the difference between you and i though is that y/n is mine, know your place, king.”

kageyama didn’t say anything in response, just wrinkled his nose, grabbed his bag, and left the gym

tsukishima knew that you liked him as opposed to kageyama, so he wasn’t exactly worried about it

but he did try to smoothly mention that maybe you shouldn’t talk to kageyama as much (spoiler: it was not smooth and all, you ended up asking why and tsukki had to admit what happened through red-tinted cheeks)

━━ TANAKA

the king of getting protective and jealous

he doesn’t mean to be, he just doesn’t understand why you chose to be with him of all people

he’s grateful that you did though, he honestly doesn’t know what he’d do without you

on the bright side though, he isn’t one to hide his jealousy either. if he deems someone to be getting a little too friendly with you, he’ll step in and let them know you’re taken

obviously if his protectiveness makes you uncomfortable he’ll tone it down, but unless you tell him that he’s going to make sure everyone knows that you’re dating

so it only takes once for someone to get what he deems flirtatious and he’s letting the other person know that they’re crossing a line

except this time it was nishinoya, and tanaka was a little torn

he trusted his best friend obviously, but then again he knew that nishinoya showed off and bragged to you a lot more than he did with other people

he watched as nishinoya grabbed your hand, kissing the back of it and then smiling

and then in no time, there was tanaka, holding the other boy by the collar of his shirt

“what the hell man?!” he says, then finally let’s go of nishinoya

“sorry...” nishinoya says quietly, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. instead of saying anything else, he looks at the ground and starts walking away

“i’ll deal with him later,” tanaka says, voice much softer than it had been

he wraps you in a hug, burying his face into your neck and leaving gentle kisses there. he won’t let go for a while unless you ask him to

━━ KENMA

kenma didn’t get jealous a lot either, he could easily tell whenever someone was flirting with you as opposed to when someone was just being friendly

the only time he actually got jealous was when people flirted with you. and even then he’d just walk over to you and grab your hand, giving the other person a bored look

however, it was harder for him to tell if you were close to the other person

which was why he was a little skeptical whenever yaku seemed to be getting a little too close to you

he tried to believe it wasn’t; yaku wouldn’t flirt with someone he knew was in a relationship. especially not if the person was dating his teammate... would he?

except whenever he saw yaku blush and smile at something you’d said, then said something to make you laugh, that was his confirmation

“so what are you talking about?” kenma said, walking over to you and yaku. he wrapped his arms around you, hooking his chin over your shoulder so he could see the other guy

he saw something like concern appear on yaku’s face now

kenma couldnt help but smile, not when yaku said they were talking about nothing, though their was panic lacing his words

“hm,” kenma hummed, pressed a quick kiss to the side of your face, and then turned his eyes back to yaku

“well maybe the next time you try to flirt with my partner, invite me next time.”

“i-i wasn’t... that’s not it-“

“i’m not dense, just understand that y/n is my partner, and i’m their’s. step off.”

© kageyuji 2021. do not copy, modify, or otherwise plagiarize in any way.

[mxchellesworld]

Discuss!

Spencer Reid x Reader

Synopsis; Where the team discusses the question ‘do you kiss after head’, you find out Spencer has too little experience to answer the question so you help him out

Warnings; smut, oral (male receiving), sub!spencer, praise, slight degradation 

a/n; LMAO im so sorry for disappearing again life has been actually kicking my ass but anyways lately i’ve been thinking about subby early season spence so here we go,, hope you enjoy!

***

Another Friday night and the team was out bar crawling after an easy case. But this time all members were there as it reached 11pm which was rare. Usually Hotch and JJ would have been home by 10:30 and Spencer wouldn’t have been there at all. But there was something light in the air which had all parties concerned sitting packed in a booth, laughing after each sip of their drinks. 

Since it wasn’t your first rodeo together you knew how the night went. It started off with Rossi offering to buy the first few rounds, always whiskey but he made an exception for Penelope. Then again who would deny her anything. 

Once the drinks were flowing and lips got a little loose, the questions would start popping in at the top of your heads. However these were not your run of the mill, ‘hows so and so doing?’ ‘done your taxes yet?’ oh no. The name of the game was discuss where you would all think of a question which would help you dig just a tiny bit deeper into your coworkers sex lives. 

Maybe if you were all sober then you’d avoid thinking of each other in such positions, pun intended, yet in this state your prying minds were open and your stomachs were ready to grow abs from bending over in laughter. 

You raised the margarita glass up clinking it with a fork to get the tables attention. Everyone including Aaron had a smile on their face, ready to hear the intrusive question for the night. 

“Ok my fellow profilers, doctor, and tech genius,” you added pointing at Spencer then Pen, “Do you kiss your partner after they give you head? Discuss!” you finished in your most formal voice. 

Right as you took a swig of your drink the mixed responses of yes and no filled your small space. 

“Why wouldn’t you? You guys especially, if someones willingly trying to swallow then you damn well owe them a kiss,” Emily finished earning nods and ‘exactly’s from JJ, Pen, and yourself. 

“Ok but thats weird. I just can’t explain it but its a no go for me,” Morgan finished. This only gained him a scoff and raised voices, “Hotch man help me out here,” he said looking over to the man hiding his smirk behind the amber liquid. 

“I have to agree with the ladies here Derek,” he said curtly. 

The girls yelped and hooted at Hotch for siding with them while Morgan sat with his arms crossed being the singular person left out as even Rossi agreed. Meanwhile you noticed the presence next to you had shrunk back and wasn’t too active in the conversation. 

“So Spence do you kiss your partner after they,” you trailed off shaking your fist by your cheek and poking your tongue in the side. 

He coughed as he instantly sat up quicker. Even under the dim lights of the bar you could still see the blush creeping up from his neck to his ears and the slightest tint on his cheeks. 

“Oh I uh- I never-” he said looking anywhere but your eyes. 

“You don’t kiss them?” you said raising your brows. 

“No! I-i mean yes. I would I think b-but I haven’t had the chance to actually partake in such.. activities,” he finished finally taking a look into your eyes. 

You could tell he was waiting for you to laugh in his face for being so inexperienced but you felt far from it. If anything you wished you could be the one to show him things. 

That sweet boy had you wrapped around his finger and he didn’t even know it. Maybe it was his naivety considering how exceptionally smart he was. Or maybe it was the cute sweater vests he wore and now he nervously tucked his hair behind his ears. All you knew was that you wanted Spencer Reid and tonight was your night to make it happen. 

You hummed taking in the information, “Well that’s not a bad thing Spence. Everything takes time,” you said putting your hand on his arm for comfort and giving him a smile. 

Going to turn back to face the table you almost didn’t hear Spencer go to speak again, “Do you?” 

Got him.

“Why don’t you find out pretty boy,” you said with a wink as you downed the rest of your marg. In the corner of your eye you could see Spencer shifting in his seat, subtly moving his bag to cover the slowly growing tent in his slacks. 

As the night went by you couldn’t help but really give him a show. You had popped open a button or two on the long sleeve you had on, since it was getting stuffy in the booth. Though when you leaned forward and jutted your chest out, the soft inhale of a breath from the man next to you was just serving as motivation to get bolder. 

For the last hour you called it quits on the alcohol and drank a few glasses of water before you drove home. Spencer had been uncharacteristically quiet ever since your little interactions. 

The team had all gotten up to say their goodbyes. Rossi going by and giving everyone a kiss on each cheek. Derek having to quite literally rangle Penelope from talking to passing by groups on their way out. Then there were two. 

You turned to the side where Spencer was nursing on his coke, “Hey pretty boy, it’s late, let me give you a ride home,” you said grabbing your belongings. 

“Y-yeah ok. Thanks Y/n,” he said getting up. You’d noticed how he still had the burnt orange bag over his crotch. He couldn’t still be hard could he? Well you’d love to find out. 

As gentlemanly as he was, Spencer opened the door for you to exit the building first. The whip of fresh night air cooling on your exposed chest and legs under your skirt. 

You unlocked your car and stepped in, Spencer waiting to hear the little beep signaling his side was open. As he sat down you heard him let out a little whimper. Your head shot over to look at him, you could tell from the flush on his cheeks he didn’t mean to let the noise out. 

Holding in your chuckle you started the ignition and pulled out of the lot, “Can I put on some music?” 

“Yeah I don’t mind,” he said looking over at you with his lips in a line. If it was anyone else, they’d probably think he was uncomfortable but you loved his tiny awkward smiles. 

The ride to his apartment was mostly silent besides a rare quip from Spencer about paper work or fact about an older building you had passed by. It fascinated you to no end hearing him talk. Spencer was a hand speaker, meaning he always used his hands waving them around and making gestures. The pale digits had you captivated. Probably a driving hazard but you couldn’t help but let your mind wander. 

You pulled up into one of the visitor spots and put the car in park. You looked over to see Spencer almost contemplating something. You’d seen the look on his face before when he was looking over puzzles. 

“Somethin on your mind Doc?” you said with a small smile. As cute as he looked when he was nervous, you’d never want him to feel uncomfortable around you. 

“Would you-,” he cleared his throat, “Wo- Would you maybe want to c-come inside?” 

“Of course Spence I’d love to,” you finished with a reassuring nod. 

As he led you upstairs you were giddy with anticipation. So what if nothing happened. He was your friend first and you were glad he was letting you into his personal space. Even if you wanted nothing more than to have him writhi-

“Y/n?” 

The door closing snapped you out of your thoughts. You didn’t even realize you were in his living room. The dark green walls and shelves bursting with books put a grin on your face, “Sorry Doc, just caught up in my thoughts. What did you say hun?” 

His brows practically raised to his hairline from hearing the pet name. While he was used to the names coming from Garcia they took a whole different light coming from your lips. 

“I was asking if you wanted water or something,” he said fiddling with the keys in his hands. Eyes darting everywhere but your face so you wouldn’t be able to see the flush rising on his cheeks. 

“No I’m fine thanks for asking though,” you said taking a seat on the worn leather couch. 

You reached for the tv remote making a face at Spencer to ask for permission. He nodded and you settled back turning on an old sitcom that played late at night. 

As the episode ended you both sat in silence. Again you didn’t mind but you could practically hear the cogs moving in Spencer’s brain. 

You were about to speak when he cut you off before you could even get a word out, “What did you mean by ‘why don’t you find out’.”

Gaining confidence you moved closer to where he was on the couch, slow enough for him to stop you in case he wanted to back out. 

“Well you have options pretty boy,” you said moving a leg to straddle him. Your hands instinctively going to his brown locks. You could’ve sworn you heard a little moan leave his chapped lips. Noted. 

“W-what are the options,” lust blown eyes looked up to yours. 

“One, you can put that mouth to good use on me,” you said trailing your finger over his bottom lip, “and let me cum over that pretty face.” 

His eyes shut hearing your words and you weren’t having it, “Nuh uh eyes on me honey,” instantly they were back on yours. 

“Or number two. I can suck you off and let you cum down my throat, but,” you paused making sure to roll your hips on his growing length, “ you have to give me a nice big smooch after.” 

The hands on your hips pulled you closer as he bucked his hips into you as you finished the sentence. It was clear which option was preferred. 

You moved to slide down in between his legs. You let your hands trail down his clothed thighs, causing him to jump. 

“Tsk such a needy boy,” you said mockingly, “Am I not going fast enough baby?”

“Please Y/n,” he all but whimpered. It was like music to your ears. 

Your hands went to his belt, looking up in his eyes for a final sign of permission. Once he nodded you quickly undid it and he lifted his hips to help get his pants down. You palmed him over his boxers, feeling the wet patch where he was already leaking pre cum. 

“Is this all for me Spence? Does the thought of my lips around you make you this hard,” you said taking him out of the striped confines. 

“Oh god please just,” he cut himself off. You could see his hands curling fists besides his legs. 

“Please what baby? I can’t give you anything unless you ask.” Your hands continued their task of leisurely stroking his length. 

“Fuck please put your mouth on me,” he rushed out, hips bucking to prove his point. 

The answer was good enough for you so you wasted no time in leaning forward and taking him in your mouth. Both of you let out content sighs as you tried to take him further. 

You looked up to see him with his head leaned back, eyes scrunched closes in pleasure. 

You pulled off with a pop, letting your hand work him over. “Better keep those pretty eyes on me before I decide you can’t finish.”

He looked down with a flash of worry, that was quickly replaced by a loud moan as you spit down on his cock before taking him in your mouth again. 

For a germaphobe, Spencer loved how nasty it was. He was thanking god or whatever higher being there was for giving him his eidetic memory because the sight below him was something he’d never wanna forget. 

Your eyes were teary and you had spit dribbling down your chin but he wanted nothing more than to give you more than just a kiss after you finished. Or well after he finishes. 

You could tell he was close by the way he was throbbing on your tongue. Again taking him out of your mouth you used both hands to jerk him off. 

“You’re doing such a good job baby. So good for me. You wanna cum in my mouth pretty boy?”

“God Y/n I’m so close please please please,” he whimpered out. 

“Cum for me baby, be my good boy Spence,”  you said before taking him down your throat. He was big, not girthy but long and it was a struggle but you’d be damned if you didn’t try to take him all. 

Hollowing your cheeks you bobbed your head quickly, egging on his release further. His hands finally found a place in the back of your head. Pushing you down further as he came. 

“F-fuck Y/n I’m gonna”

His moans and whines were a symphony of sounds you’d have on repeat in your head forever. 

You swallowed the salty release but before you could even wipe your lips you were being pulled up by Spencer placing his lips on yours. You moaned into the kiss, his hands gripped the sides of your face not wanting to let you go. 

The need for air made you both pull back. You looked at one another, chests heaving and looking like you ran a marathon. 

Then a sad look came across his face. 

“Spencer what’s wrong?” 

“You didn’t get any pleasure,” he said looking like a hurt puppy. Oh your sweet boy. 

“It’s ok baby, I can take care of myself,” you tried to shrug off.

He was quick to push you back on the couch, taking the spot you were previously in. His warm lips trailing down your exposed thighs. 

“I wanna do it, but only if you kiss me after.” 

[spenciegoob]

A Special Kind of Man

this fic swap is for @safertokiss​​ ... I really hope you like it, emma bc this was so fun to write lol

A/N: OMG! this is a part of my first fic swap and the first time I’ve done something like this with so many people, it’s been so cool.

Summary: Spencer Reid was a virgin, you knew that. What you didn’t expect however was how much he was really holding back.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Category: Smut

Content Warnings: loss of virginity (spencer), mommy kink, penetrate sex, unprotected sex, creampie

Masterlist

Word Count: 2.4K

___

I always knew Spencer Reid was special, and sure, everyone he’s ever had a conversation with would look at this 24 year old kid spewing facts that no human would think to ever learn about, stockpiling knowledge about, well, everything. I’m sure he amazes people with his mind, I too am amazed when he opens his mouth and the exact number of a certain model Ford truck that is bought every year falls out.

But what else I knew about Spencer that made him more special, more worshipable was beyond anything anyone outside our closed doors would know, and my god would I ever be a fool if I didn’t do just that; worship him.

I would have continued to believe that somewhere down the line, someone would have been smart enough to give that man every piece of love and attention he deserves, because let me be perfectly candid, Spencer was beautiful. His jawline that never lacked the tension of holding back every nugget of knowledge he had stored in that beautiful brain of his, and the eyes like honey that stare up at me with an innocence and desperation alike every time I straddle his lap.

Spencer Reid was not only worth worshipping, but he believed that I deserve that kind of dedication and preach as well.

I never did quite ask if he was a virgin, but in the back of my mind I always knew he had been surrounded by blind fools his whole life in the way he grasped onto my body and whimpered in my mouth every time I perched myself onto him. He would never go further than heavy petting, which meant neither did I. Spencer may be worth worshipping, but I would never push him to receive such.

So, when we found ourselves entangled once again, my legs spread to wrap around his hips as he sat perched against the back of the couch, and I felt the coolness of his hesitant fingers snake their way under my shirt, I was surprised into pulling away from the heavy kiss we were sharing. Immediately his hands, that initially sent a chill hurtling up my spine only to fill me with warmth, returned back to my waist over the shirt, scared that he had done something wrong.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” he whispered, looking down and rushing through the words with so much embarrassment and fear of my reaction as if I could ever imagine tantalizing or walking away from him.

“Do you want to?” I asked, and personally thanked whoever was listening that Spencer Reid was a profiler, because even if I wanted to, I couldn’t hide the lust in my eyes, or the breathiness to my voice. He had, unbeknownst to my partner here, left me having to take deep breaths and positively buzzing. Like I said, I always knew he was special.

“Put my hands under your shirt?” Came his reply, and I may have never been a profiler, but I could hear, behind the confusion, fear of my rejection plaguing his mind.

“Yes,” I whispered, my lips grazing his cheek where I placed a soft kiss. Spencer’s grip on me tightened as I moved towards his ear, subconsciously pulling my hips down onto him. “Whatever you want, pretty boy.”

“You!” The exclamation was a shout mixed with a gasp once I sunk my teeth into his ear lobe. At first, I had not thought to take Spencer’s words so seriously. We were in the heat of the moment, hands grasping onto one another and lips finding skin, but then my sweet boy pushed me far back only so he could look in my eyes with the confidence of a man who just won the lottery to state. “I want you.”

There were multiple things I took note of when looking down at Spencer. The first being that he had only taken his eyes off of my own in favor of glancing down at my lips, then back at me before raising his eyebrows in silent question. The second was that he had not stopped squirming underneath me, the hard on trapped in his work slacks having to be uncomfortable by now, and the every few seconds he found friction against my own clothed center could not have been helping as much as he needed.

The third, and final thing I noticed buried deep into blown pupils and wide, boyish eyes was the lust, desperation, the need for me the same I held for him. Spencer Reid wanted nothing more in this moment than to show me he was a good boy, a special boy.

“Are you sure?” I barely got through the last word before Spencer started nodding. “I need words, pretty boy.”

“Yes,” his tone was already breathy, and we haven’t even started. “Yes, please. I’m ready.”

I didn’t wait, grabbing a hold of my sweet boy’s cheeks and bringing his face down to meet our lips. The kiss was slow, passionate of course, but I wanted to take my time with him. The way I see this going is spending carefully calculated time on every part of his body, worshipping him and giving him all of my love in the form of soft bites and deliberate touches. Spencer Reid was handing me all of him, and I would be foolish not to return the favor.

Spencer and I were not going into this blind, because no matter how embarrassed he got, we somehow ended up having a very enlightening conversation in the past, even if at first it had started as a joke.

“Not everything Freud has said in his life was completely untrue,” was what started the argument. Spencer, in his oh so need to discredit the behaviorists and psychoanalysts of the past, jumped at the opportunity to prove me wrong, but I wasn’t going to let him this time. “While he may have gone about it the… wrong way, Freud was onto something.”

I had unbeknownst to Spencer got up from my seat, and was quietly tiptoeing over to him. “You don’t agree that you wouldn enjoy calling me Mommy in bed, pretty boy?”

“I-I um…” Is what ended the argument.

I pulled back, admiring his swollen lips and eyes fluttering open before pulling my shirt over my head, giving Spencer a full view of my now bare chest. The only way I could describe his face was similar to what I would imagine someone’s expression would be if they had made a groundbreaking discovery. His eyes grew wide and his jaw went slack in surprise, plus he didn’t hesitate to shift his gaze to my breasts. I could feel his hands loosen their grip on my waist, fingertips itching to move up my body to feel more of me.

“Can- can I touch them?” He whispered, not taking his eyes off the body part in question. Spencer was still looking at my chest in awestruck, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel the same way I thought of him.; beautiful, worshipable, special.

I nodded my head, grabbing onto Spencer’s wrists where his hands still remained at my sides and slowly dragged them up to chest. There was no more hesitation, he pressed his palms onto my breasts and grabbed them, pushing them together before kneading them.

“Oh my god, they’re s-so soft” he gasped, eyes blowing wide.“I w-want you. Please, M-”

Spencer stopped himself, and I could feel the muscles in his body tensing at the accidental slip of the name I so desperately wanted to pull from him now that I knew he felt the same about it.

“What was that?” I hummed against him, starting to softly grind our aching centers against each other, eliciting the sweetest moans from the sweetest boy while he continued to palm my breasts.

“Please. Mommy, please.” And there it was, my title for the evening and the reason for the growing wetness at my core.

“Only because you asked so nicely.” The buttons on his shirt were harder to undo than I would like to admit, his fingers that have moved on to tweak my nipples pulling my concentration and causing me to moan quietly as I worked. Eventually I accomplished getting his shirt open, and he helped me to push it off his shoulders and off of him.

I ran my hand down his chest, relishing the whimpers falling from his lips and my featherlight touch traveling further to the waistband of his pants.

“Bedroom,” I whispered, attempting to remove myself from his lap in favor of moving this party to a more comfortable place than the couch. Spencer had other plans.

“Wait,” he shouted, grabbing my hand and pulling me back down on top of him. “I-I like it here.”

“On the couch, pretty boy?” It wasn’t that the position we were in wasn’t feasible, but this was Spencer’s first time. I wanted to make it as special as I could, starting with an actual bed.

“I want to be close to you.” If his words didn’t pull at my heartstrings, the way he looked down instead of in my eyes again did.

“Okay,” I agreed, and it was the truth, because the warmth spreading through me at the feeling of our bodies pressed so closely together was intoxicating. Spencer went to go unbutton my jeans, but I stopped him. Not because I didn’t want them off, but because he hadn’t realized that my plans for him included him sitting there and looking pretty like he always does. “Let me take care of you, sweet boy.”

I finished the job Spencer had started, getting up to unbutton my jeans and pull them down my legs. I heard him gasp at the sight of me now in only a pink thong before reaching out and making grabby hands at me. Instead of sitting back on his lap, I sunk to my knees on the floor, repeating the process on his work slacks and stripping him down to his boxers.

“Is this okay?” I asked, running my hands up and down his thighs in the most soothing manner. He responded with a hard nod and an ‘Yes, Mommy,’ shifting his hips closer to my hands in hopes that I would touch him where he craved the most. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t give him what he wanted. I didn’t use my hands, however, lowering my face to where there was an evident wet spot of precum on his boxers and placed a gentle kiss through the fabric on the tip of his dick.

Immediately his hands shot out to grab onto the sides of my face, forcing me away from his member to look up at him insead.

“I- I’m not going to last long like that,” he whispered. “Please, I need you, Mommy, please.”

I stood up, returning to my position perched onto his lap and smashing my lips to his. This kiss was much different than the ones we’ve shared previously, it was rushed, uncalculated and heavy. Tongues fought against each other and I caught his little whimpers in my mouth every time our cores rubbed against each other.

I grabbed onto the waistband of his boxers, asking one last time if he was sure. When I got his permission, I pulled them down to reveal himself to me, and my god was he beautiful. The tip was red and leaking precum, and I used my thumb to gather some and bring it to my mouth. Spencer’s jaw went slack again, watching me suck his cum off my digit and not taking my eyes off his own. I shifted once again to hover over him, pulling my panties to the side.

“Are you ready?” I asked, grabbing his hard cock and readying the tip to my entrance. He attempted to buck his hips up and enter me, but I continued to tease him by rubbing my wetness over him without entering just yet.

“Yes. Please, Mommy.” I sunk down, reveling in the way his eyes grew wide and his hands shot up to grab onto any part of me. Slowly, I inched down, feeling the stretch he provided and we both were moaning at the feeling.

“Is this okay?” I asked once more, getting a nod and a gasp at the feeling of me around him in return. His hips were trying to buck up into me, but I wouldn’t let him, lifting up slowly and slamming back down to the hilt.

“Oh my god,” he praised once again, screwing his eyes shut and panting. I picked up a rhythm bouncing on his cock with feaverish intent, neither of us were going to last long, both of us hypersensitive to each other.

Spencer opened his eyes, and couldn’t find where to look. He started with my breasts bouncing in his face with my increased speed, and moved on to where our bodies met, watching himself disappear into me. Lastly, he stopped at my face, finding me already staring down at him with my mouth agape and mewls escaping me.

From there we gazed into each other’s eyes, Spencer not holding back any of his sweet moans and gasps that sounded like garbled versions of my name. The knot in my stomach tightened further when I shifted slightly and felt his tip graze my sweet spot. He must have been close to, his hips thrusting up softly to meet my own in an attempt to chase his high. I reached down to rub my clit, wanting to fall off the edge together.

“I-I’m gonna cum,” he panted out, and I clenched around him at the sound of him whimpering. “Ah- ah ah, Mommy please!”

I increased the pressure on my clit, the coil in my stomach reaching its end when I shouted “Cum with me, pretty boy.”

Spencer’s hands gripped onto my waist with bruising pressure as we reached our highs together, crashing down with a shout of each other’s name as I felt his cum cover my pulsing walls. The feeling was indescribable, extending my orgasm and milking him for everything he has.

I slumped forward, resting my head against his sweaty shoulder as we attempted to catch our breaths. Spencer’s arms wrapped around me fully, pulling me closer to him and nuzzling his face into my neck, the sentiment making me smile.

“Are you okay?” I asked once our breathing returned to normal and the cloudiness of my post organsm brain melted. He just pulled me impossibly closer, laying kisses on the expanse of my neck he could reach.

“I’m more than okay. That was- that was-”

“Yeah, I know.” I giggled at his awestruck tone, mimicking his movements and nuzzling deep in his neck, breathing in his sweet scent.

Like I said, Spencer Reid was a special kind of man.

___

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